• Autism awareness helps a mom cope
• Mom cried for six months when her son was first diagnosed

It’s a battle that’s made her stronger. Nicole Hitchcock says her autistic son enriches her as a mother – and as a person. “I feel like I’m a much better human being because this was put in my life,” the 36-year-old says.

But she didn’t always feel that way.  After her son Ramsey’s autism diagnosis when he was two years old, Hitchcock says she cried non-stop — for six months.

“You go through a grief process,” she says.  “It’s very similar to a death.” Dealing with denial, anger and fear, Hitchcock says she didn’t know where to turn when she first found out her son had special needs.

She’s come a long way over the past six years.  So has Ramsey. Now eight years old, he is starting to write his own name.  He is considered high-functioning. He excels in math, and loves Harry Potter.

Recently, he learned how to use the toilet.  “Myself and my husband are ecstatic,” Hitchcock says,  “because that (his inability to use the toilet) was a huge limitation for him, and for our family.”

Ramsey will mark another milestone when he starts playing team sports.  This year, Ramsey will play baseball in the Challenger Division of Little League, which caters to children with special needs.

He thrives with the one-to-one attention he gets in his specialized private school.

But that doesn’t mean caring for Ramsey is easy – far from it.  “Everything is a battle with him,” Hitchcock says.  She and her husband, James Davey, 44, work closely together to get Ramsey ready for school.

They tag team in the morning.  One gets the shower going; the other one gets him undressed; the other gets his lunch ready; and so on.  The process of getting Ramsey from his bed, through the shower, and out the door takes about two hours.

Hitchcock notes that the stress of caring for an autistic child can be a strain on some couples. “I’m really really lucky that I’m still married,” she says.

With her husband’s support, Hitchcock found that as she grew to understand the condition, she embraced it.  The experience has been completely different from what she thought parenting would be.  But she calls it beautiful.

“In the last six years, I’ve come to absolutely love people that are autistic,” Hitchcock says. “I love the way their brains work.”  She loves their literalness.

Now, she finds that opening up about Ramsey has helped her relish her role as the parent of an autistic son.  She is throwing herself into researching how his family can best support him – and into building awareness about autism.

Hitchcock partnered with the managers of the Vintage Oaks shopping center in Novato, Northern California, where she runs the NH2 Salon, to display blue lights in honor of World Autism Awareness Day on Tuesday.

To Hitchcock, the Light It Up Blue campaign means more than raising awareness. “It means love,” she says.  “Light It Up Blue, or blue lights, just represents showing love for special people.”

Do you have a child with special needs? Let us know how you cope. Tweet @KyraHLN with the #RaisingAmerica hashtag or leave your thoughts on Facebook.com.

I read this very helpful post from Super Working Mum on how to create and use a To Do List and wanted to share. Read on

Using a to do list is a simple yet powerful way of staying organized, productive and stress free at work and even at home. 

When all you do is think about the numerous tasks you need to do, they usually feel much more complex than they usually are and this may stress you out.

Other times you may forget what you need to do, miss deadlines and then feel overwhelmed with the amount of work you need to do.

If you write your tasks down using a to do list, you can avoid any calamity while staying efficient and professional at all times.

In this article we will discuss some benefits of having a to do list and how to create a proper to do list.

Benefits of a To Do List

Some benefits of using a to do list effectively include:

1. You remember the important tasks you need to do
2. You avoid wasting time on frivolous tasks and tackle important tasks first before
3. It enhances productivity
4. It helps you stay focused and on top of your game
5. It helps you stay organized and stress free

How to create a To Do List

The traditional way of creating a to do list is using a pen and a note pad.

I find that the best time to create a to do list is at night before retiring to bed. Doing this helps you keep in mind what you need to do the following day. Also you feel energized and ready to start your day with a bang.

1) On a sheet of paper, write down all the tasks you need to do. If these include large task, break them down into smaller sub tasks. You could get creative and group your task into different categories- work, home, shopping etc.

2) Prioritize your tasks in order of importance or urgency. Alternatively simply prioritize using numbers. Number 1 being the first task to do.

3) Once you have prioritized your list, transfer them to your note pad noting your tasks in order of priority. It may be a good idea to date your list.

Using your To Do List

It is one thing to create a to do list, it is another thing to actually do what is on your list. There is no point writing a to do list down if you are not going to use it.

1) Start working your way through your list and then do them. As you finish a task cross it off the list with your pen. There is a sense of accomplishment you will feel as you tick off completed tasks on your to do list knowing they are done and dusted.

2) Review your list before you retire and observe how much you accomplished. If you were not able to complete your to do list for the day, don’t worry about it. Pat yourself on the back for the tasks you got completed. Simply transfer your uncompleted tasks to the next page with your new to do list for the next day.

Using a software

In this technology driven age, using a software or a phone app to create your to do list could even help you stay more productive.

You can do much more with your to do list when using a software once you get the hang of it.

Most software can send you a reminder for due tasks, connect dependencies between different tasks and you can always update your list on the go. Also you could share your work to do list with team members, if you’re collaborating on a project.

At a basic level you can use Microsoft Excel or Outlook to manage your to do lists. I sometimes usegoogle calendar which allows me to sync my laptop to my phone with updates on my list.

Some other online services are Toodledo and Todoist. I haven’t tried either of them but the reviews are pretty good.

Personally, I use the app called “Intuition- life simplified” on my iphone which enables me group my tasks into different categories on different days. I can also set reminders for tasks. You can also sync to google calendar and ical for Mac users.

Intuition is tagged as “The handiest personal assistant app for busy mums”. It is free to download, so do check it out if you use an iphone.

 

Intuition- life simplified

In summary, by adding this simple yet powerful strategy of a to do list to your daily life, you will find that you are more productive and less stressed.

Do you use a to do list? Does it work for you? Please share your experiences with using a to do list.

Being a strict parent is good for children – as long as it is done with a little love and affection.

A study of teenagers found the painful effects of harsh discipline – such as verbal threats or spanking – are offset by the child’s feeling of being loved. The researchers said being punished is unlikely to result in anti-social behavior further down the line, as long as the child believes their punishment is coming from “a good place.”

And even where the child’s perception of maternal warmth was lower, it still resulted in a positive relationship between harsh disciplinary practices and later “externalizing” problems.

Dr. Miguelina German, of the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York, explained  the  ”attachment theory” holds that warm, responsive parenting is the critical factor in producing happy, secure children.

The underlying belief that their parents love them protects against feelings of rejection, even when being harshly disciplined. Dr. German said the use of harsh parental discipline does not automatically result in anti-social behavior in the child. She added: “The relationship between the two is conditional and subject to other factors.

“Where harsh disciplinary practices are a cultural norm, there are always other influences at play that can lessen their potential harm on the young child.” Previous research has found children are more likely to grow into well-adjusted adults if their parents are firm disciplinarians. Traditional authoritative parenting, combining high expectations of behavior with warmth and sensitivity, leads to more competent children.

It is particularly important for girls, who can suffer from a lack of confidence and may turn to drugs if care is merely adequate, according to the 2009 study by researchers from London’s Institute of Education.

Source: AtlanticBlack Star

by Tracy Nneka Osokolo

Tracy Nneka Osokolo is the author of “Red Pepper and English Tea” – ANBUKRAFT Award Winner for Best New Fiction. She was a Resident Writer at the London 2012 Olympics Festival at the Southbank Centre.

Okay Mums, help me out here…but how do you ever do “it” with the kids in bed???

Before I had Fiona, I had heard so many stories of couples becoming distant in their emotional lives and gravitating towards a kind of complacency with sex.

I miss the days when I was a new bride and everywhere was a bed! It was such a relief to walk around the kitchen naked and allow myself to enjoy every bit of the once condemned pre-marital sex culture. We had plenty of time for me to climax three or four times, sometimes even as much as 7 highs in a row and then I’d be out of breath.  But since Fi came it’s been such a struggle to get my vagina to be the most exciting exploration site, again.

I know Kwaghdoo told me that Hubby won’t notice the difference between the before-baby vagina and the after-baby vagina; but the problem is that there is hardly any platform for him to even notice anything!

Fiona is growing so fast that she no longer cries in her crib like she did two years ago. Then, she would wait for me to hear her from the baby monitor and come to carry her from her room. She would then spend the rest of the night with us while we tried not to wake her with the gyrating bed. Now, she insists on a bed time story per night, and just when I have finished reading to her and I’m finally preparing to shower and slip into the tiger-stripped lingerie which Alero got me as a wedding gift … Fiona knocks on the door with the same phrase we’ve heard since she turned 3: “I can’t sleep”.

Aaarrggghhhh!!!!!!

I know she’s a child and all, but I’m a woman and I have needs too. I’ve been experiencing the dry season for a very long time and I wish she won’t always want to sleep in between Hubby and I. At least, if she sleeps on the edge of our bed, he can still fiddle with my boobs or pinch my arse; plus I could steal a few kisses when Fiona eventually gets drowsy. But, she chooses the middle spot as protection from “ojuju calabar” – her own way of understanding and interpreting fear.

You would agree with me that there is hardly anything you can do with a man who is two feet away from you. I definitely don’t want her to generate any ideas about sex now, but I want my husband back too. I prefer him as a hubby than as a daddy …  So what am I supposed to do now? Wait till she turns 13 and can sleep on her own? !!!!!

t’s no secret that a healthy sense of self-esteem is an essential tool for navigating the adult world, but figuring out how to instill confidence in a child isn’t always easy. These ten secrets to building your child’s self-esteem are surprisingly simple, and can make a world of difference in the way she sees herself and handles everyday situations.

1. Be Generous With Your Affection – In order to feel secure and confident, your child needs to know that she has your unconditional love and support. By building that all-important support system through affirmations of your affection and explaining to her that your love is not contingent upon her success or subject to change as a result of failure, she’ll have the confidence she needs to tackle new challenges without worrying that you’ll be disappointed in her if things don’t work out the way she planned.
2. Praise Efforts, Not Accomplishments – When you lavish effusive praise on your child for her accomplishments but ignore the effort she expends to get there, you’re sending the message that the end result is the only thing that matters. Making the effort to show her how proud you are of her for trying her best places the emphasis where it needs to be: on her efforts.
3. Pay Attention – It seems simple, but taking the time to listen to your child when she speaks and to absorb the details of her day lets her know that you’re truly invested in her life and that you care what she’s up to. Knowing that you value her opinion and are there to support her makes it easier for your child to approach new situations with confidence.
4. Support Healthy Risks – Every instinct a parent has goes against allowing a child to do something that you’re sure will end in failure, but it’s important that you allow your child to make certain decisions on her own and support healthy risks. Knowing that you’re there to help her get back up and try again gives your child the strong self-esteem she’ll need to continue taking those risks, which are essential parts of growing up.
5. Instill a Respect for Limits and Boundaries – Part of a strong sense of self-esteem is a feeling of security and support, which comes from having a clear understanding of the boundaries and limits within which she’s expected to operate. When your child knows what is and is not expected of her, she’s more able to confidently navigate acceptable situations, rather than approach them with trepidation because she’s not sure if they’re within the boundaries you’ve set for her.
6. Let Her Make Mistakes – Failure may not seem like an effective tool for helping your child to build self-esteem, but it’s actually quite important for her to make mistakes that she can learn from in order to build a pool of experiences she can rely on for future decisions. Mistakes breed wisdom, and that knowledge allows your child to be confident when she’s faced with a similar situation in the future.
7. Avoid Comparisons – Even if you’re trying to build your child up by comparing her to another, it’s never a good idea to draw comparisons between siblings or those within her peer group. Your child needs to know that she’s accepted and loved for who she is, not because she’s out-performing another child or in spite of the fact that she’s not as “good” as another.
8. Set Goals Together – When a goal is set and subsequently reached, there’s a sense of accomplishment that does more for a person’s self-esteem than any kind words or flattery ever could. The same holds true for children. Helping your child set new goals and supporting her as she reaches them is a powerful confidence booster.
9. Validate Her Feelings – Failure, mistakes and conflicts are integral experiences when it comes to building up knowledge and learning lessons, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t hurtful. Telling your child that she shouldn’t be upset because she “only lost a game” or “had a tiny fight with a friend” minimizes her feelings, making her wonder if they’re appropriate. Validating her feelings by letting her know that you’re aware of how she feels and that it’s okay to feel that way as long as she learns how to handle similar situations in the future can turn those negative situations into a learning experience.
10. Model Confident Behavior – Your child learns more about how to interact with the world from watching and emulating the adults she loves and trusts than anything else. If you’re plagued by low self-esteem and aren’t confident in your ability to manage things, your child will mimic that behavior. In order to boost your child’s self-esteem, make sure that you’re working on your own.

source: Houstonnanny

Children will play with toys, they always have and they always will (even in the world of ipads). Children tend to play with a new toy for a little while when it is still new once the toy is considered old, or a newer toy comes into the collection it falls by the side.

Some of the toys over time that I have found that I prefer for the kids are -

1)   Don’t need batteries – The rate at which the batteries run flat can be annoying and turn out more expensive than the toy. I find its better to have toys that do not need batteries.

2)   Have multiple uses – toys that can be used in multiple ways either because it has multiple parts or it stretches their imagination.

3)   Preferably not made of plastic – there is fair mention of how dangerous plastics might be that wooden toys and other materials are preferable.

Looking for such toys overtime led me to Melissa & Doug – their toys tend to match most of the criteria above as most of their toys do not require batteries, encourage creative play, teaching children skills needed in a fun way and are mostly made of wood.

Some of my favourite Melissa & Doug toys are –

1)   Learning how to perform basic skills such as lacing, buttoning, zipping Baisc skills board or Lace and Trace

2)   Traditional Puzzles – they have a million different wooden puzzles, teaching numeracy, letters and words, farm animals etc. Jumbo puzzles and puzzles

3)   Magnetic Jigsaw puzzles that allows you to change the arrangements. For example the dress up teddy bears

4)   Creative but educational play such as learning time, learning to spell words

5)   Arts and crafts sticker books Reusable sticker books and making faces

Konga carries a lot of Melissa & Doug toys, visit them here to view their options

Also visit Melissa & Doug for their toys

‘I have written thirty sayings for you, filled with advice and knowledge”.

1. Don’t rob the poor just because you can or oppress the needy in court. The Lord is their defender and will ruin anyone who ruins them.
2. Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or you will learn to become like them and endeager your soul
3. Don’t guarantee another persons debt or put up security if you cannot pay it for the person else (be careful who you vouch for)
4. Don’t cheat your neighbor by moving the boundary marker of their land set by previous generations. Don’t take the land of the fatherless or orphans
5. Truly competent people will go far, they will serve kings and not ordinary people
6. Don’t enjoy all the delicacies being offered to you when you are with someone powerful else you may fall into their trap as they might be trying to trick you
7. Don’t wear yourself out trying to be rich, be wise enough to know when to quit. Wealth disappears in a blink of an eye, it will sprout wings and fly away like an eagle.
8. Don’t eat with stingy people they are thinking about how much everything costs and are not truly generous. They will get more from you than they give you.
9. Don’t waste your breath on fools for they despise wise advise
10. Commit yourself to instruction, listen carefully to words of knowledge
11. Don’t fail to discipline your children, spanking won’t kill them. Physical discipline may save them from death.
12. Don’t envy sinners instead continue to fear the Lord.
13. Don’t feast with drunkards as they are on their way to poverty
14. Listen to your father and don’t despise your mother when she is old. Father of godly children has cause for joy. It is a pleasure to have wise children.
15. Get truth and never sell it, get wisdom, discipline and good judgement.
16. Don’t enjoy too much drinking and hanging out in bars, too much drinking in the end bites like a poisonous snake.
17. Don’t envy evil people or desire their company, for their hearts plot violence and they stir up trouble.
18. A house is built by wisdom and is strong through good sense. The wide are mightier than the strong, those with knowledge grow stronger and stronger.
19. Don’t go to war without wise guidance, victory is dependent on having many advisers.
20. A person who plans evil will get a reputation of a troublemaker, the schemes of a fool are sinful.
21. If you fail under pressure then your strength is too small.
22. Don’t use excuses not to save those unjustly sentenced to death
23. As honey is sweet to taste, so is wisdom sweet to the soul. Finding wisdom ensures a bright future.
24. Don’t plan ambush for the godly, don’t raid the house of the godly. The godly may trip seven times but they will get up again.
25. Don’t rejoice when your enemies fall or stumble for the Lord will turn anger away from them to you
26. Don’t envy the wicked, evil people have no future as their light will be snuffed out.
27. Don’t associate with rebels because disaster will hit them suddenly.
28. It is wrong to show favoritism when passing judgement. Convict those who are actually guilty.
29. Don’t lie about your neighbours to get even
30. Don’t be lazy because poverty will pounce on you and scarcity will attack like an armed robber.

30 wise sayings based on Proverbs 22: 20 – 24: 34

photo source: blog.centresource.com

It is always a good idea to plan ahead for the long summer holiday and what and how you will occupy your children. Yes they should rest but too much idleness is probably not ideal. Some of the things to consider are as follows -

• Staying home – You can create a summer timetable to keep them occupied. Activities can range from cooking lessons and meal preparation for children old enough for this. Children can focus on projects and be encouraged to write a story book from start to finish, learn to ride a bicycle or some other project they are interested in. Take them through routes they don’t usually go through during the school year to see parts of their city. Have they gone across the various bridges? Third mainland versus Carter bridge, or the Lekki toll booth? Make it a point to visit local attractions such as the National Theatre.

• Travel – You could perhaps use this time to travel with the children somewhere locally. You can go to the village or hometown? You can consider visits to places like Badagry or drive to Epe. You can also be a bit more adventurous and cross the border to neighbouring Togo or Benin Republic.

• Travel international – Have you booked your ticket? Thought about what assistance you will need while you are abroad. Have you checked up on the things that can keep kids engaged? There is no point spending all that money to travel out and then just sit home all day, watching tv is the same anywhere. Shopping for the year in advance? You can decide to order some items online for delivery to reduce the number of things you must run around to do. Have you checked that passports and visas are still valid?

Plan on returning at least a week before school resumes to give the kids at least a week to settle back into home     routine before resuming to a new demanding school year.

• Summer camps – You could sign up the children to a summer camp. They are usually available per week, per day or for the whole summer. These should be confirmed to be safe environments that have experience running such camps. It could be a good opportunity for the children to learn skills and not focus only on school work. consider camps offering languages, creativity, music, technology or other basic skills like cooking, sewing etc. No skill is wasted.

• Lesson – do your children need some help in a particular area? You could get a home or group tutor who can help your child through some areas he or she might need help with. It is not a time to necessarily pick up the next year syllabus and try to be ahead.

• Internship – depending on the age of the child you might want to consider letting the child get some experience in a company for an internship. It is a good way to augment classroom learning with the real world. A child considering a specific career can spend sometime with a company in that profession. A child could also just do a guided internship for fun. For example a child interested in fashion can intern with a fashion designer, or interested in baking spend sometime with a bakery owner. Make sure to structure these internships so its beneficial for the child. If possible let the child earn some money too that he or she can learn to save.

• Timetable – whatever you decide to do with your child over the summer a timetable is a good idea as it helps to introduce some structure.

Security and safety must be highly considered during this period. Setup ground rules such for the household to follow such as friends are only allowed over if there is an adult at home. If your children are staying home remember that their caregivers are now with high energy children all day with no school to break the day, remember they are human and help to find times for them to take breaks.

BY GWEN MORAN

Successful family business owners blend often blend good parenting with good business practices. Here are five parenting skills that can help make you a better business owner.

1. Enforce rules.
Any parent will tell you that having rules is essential to a well-run household. The same is true for companies. Clearly outline behavioral expectations both in conversation and in writing and make sure employees understand them.

Create an environment where it’s acceptable to remind each other of the rules — just as family members might remind each other about not using phones at the dinner table, Hampton says. Make sure everyone understands the consequences for breaking the rules.

2. Emphasize values.
Creating a positive company culture is not unlike creating a positive family environment. Just as parents model behavior for their children, company owners should model behavior for their employees.

This includes how people are expected to speak to each other, as well as discouraging morale-drainers like backstabbing, assigning scapegoats, and shirking responsibilities, Hampton says. When you see this type of thing happening in your business, correct the offending employee. Talk openly about how employees are expected to treat each other.

3. Call out bad behavior.
Parents aren’t afraid to identify and correct poor behavior in their children. Of course, your employees aren’t children – they’re adults hired for their contributions to your firm. But it’s still up to you to direct company culture and address problems when you find them.

“Sit people down and talk with them about what they really want and how they want to work together,” Hampton says. “You need to encourage them to give up behaviors and patterns that aren’t constructive like sniping and talking behind each other’s backs.”

4. Use your words wisely.
“Among the very high-functioning family businesses I work with, the parents teach children that what they do and say matters and that the impact of what you do has an impact on other people,” Hampton says.

Eliminate impulsive communication — don’t blurt out the first response that comes to mind, especially when emotions are running high. Instead, stop and think about what needs to happen to fix the situation and address it when you’re sure you can do so calmly and effectively.

5. Play fair.
Changing the family rules without notice can create a chaotic environment. Similarly, employees perform best when they understand what is expected of them and feel they are being treated fairly, Hampton says. Everyone in the company should face the same ground rules and consequences and not feel like some are getting preferential treatment.

Employees shouldn’t feel as if a high-performing salesperson or a relative of the business owner doesn’t have to abide by company policies. Be sure to apply consequences even-handedly when employees break the rules — no matter who they are.

Source: Entrepreneur

By ANGELINA JOLIE

MY MOTHER fought cancer for almost a decade and died at 56. She held out long enough to meet the first of her grandchildren and to hold them in her arms. But my other children will never have the chance to know her and experience how loving and gracious she was.

We often speak of “Mommy’s mommy,” and I find myself trying to explain the illness that took her away from us. They have asked if the same could happen to me. I have always told them not to worry, but the truth is I carry a “faulty” gene, BRCA1, which sharply increases my risk of developing breast cancer andovarian cancer.

My doctors estimated that I had an 87 percent risk of breast cancer and a 50 percent risk of ovarian cancer, although the risk is different in the case of each woman.

Only a fraction of breast cancers result from an inherited gene mutation. Those with a defect in BRCA1 have a 65 percent risk of getting it, on average.

Once I knew that this was my reality, I decided to be proactive and to minimize the risk as much I could. I made a decision to have a preventive double mastectomy. I started with the breasts, as my risk of breast cancer is higher than my risk of ovarian cancer, and the surgery is more complex.

On April 27, I finished the three months of medical procedures that the mastectomies involved. During that time I have been able to keep this private and to carry on with my work.

But I am writing about it now because I hope that other women can benefit from my experience. Cancer is still a word that strikes fear into people’s hearts, producing a deep sense of powerlessness. But today it is possible to find out through a blood test whether you are highly susceptible to breast and ovarian cancer, and then take action.

My own process began on Feb. 2 with a procedure known as a “nipple delay,” which rules out disease in the breast ducts behind the nipple and draws extra blood flow to the area. This causes some pain and a lot of bruising, but it increases the chance of saving the nipple.

Two weeks later I had the major surgery, where the breast tissue is removed and temporary fillers are put in place. The operation can take eight hours. You wake up with drain tubes and expanders in your breasts. It does feel like a scene out of a science-fiction film. But days after surgery you can be back to a normal life.

Nine weeks later, the final surgery is completed with the reconstruction of the breasts with an implant. There have been many advances in this procedure in the last few years, and the results can be beautiful.

I wanted to write this to tell other women that the decision to have a mastectomy was not easy. But it is one I am very happy that I made. My chances of developing breast cancer have dropped from 87 percent to under 5 percent. I can tell my children that they don’t need to fear they will lose me to breast cancer.

It is reassuring that they see nothing that makes them uncomfortable. They can see my small scars and that’s it. Everything else is just Mommy, the same as she always was. And they know that I love them and will do anything to be with them as long as I can. On a personal note, I do not feel any less of a woman. I feel empowered that I made a strong choice that in no way diminishes my femininity.

I am fortunate to have a partner, Brad Pitt, who is so loving and supportive. So to anyone who has a wife or girlfriend going through this, know that you are a very important part of the transition. Brad was at the Pink Lotus Breast Center, where I was treated, for every minute of the surgeries. We managed to find moments to laugh together. We knew this was the right thing to do for our family and that it would bring us closer. And it has.

For any woman reading this, I hope it helps you to know you have options. I want to encourage every woman, especially if you have a family history of breast or ovarian cancer, to seek out the information and medical experts who can help you through this aspect of your life, and to make your own informed choices.

I acknowledge that there are many wonderful holistic doctors working on alternatives to surgery. My own regimen will be posted in due course on the Web site of the Pink Lotus Breast Center. I hope that this will be helpful to other women.

Breast cancer alone kills some 458,000 people each year, according to the World Health Organization, mainly in low- and middle-income countries. It has got to be a priority to ensure that more women can access gene testing and lifesaving preventive treatment, whatever their means and background, wherever they live. The cost of testing for BRCA1 and BRCA2, at more than $3,000 in the United States, remains an obstacle for many women.

I choose not to keep my story private because there are many women who do not know that they might be living under the shadow of cancer. It is my hope that they, too, will be able to get gene tested, and that if they have a high risk they, too, will know that they have strong options.

Life comes with many challenges. The ones that should not scare us are the ones we can take on and take control of.

What an encouragement her story and decision will be to someone facing the decision.

by Nimi Akinkugbe

Shakespeare’s Polonius offers the sage advice to his son Laertes in Hamlet “Neither a borrower nor a lender be, for loan oft loses both itself and friend.” Consider this scenario: A friend calls you and needs to see you urgently. It can’t be discussed on the telephone; she must visit you personally. You oblige and she explains that she has run into serious financial difficulty and requires a sum of N50,000 immediately to assist with her rent. She is expecting some money that she is being owed and promises to pay you back within two months.

You are touched by the sorry tale and oblige. She blesses you and visits your home early the next morning to collect the cash. Then, you don’t hear from her for several months. You call and she doesn’t answer her phone, or respond to text messages and she totally disregards your e-mails.

After many months, you see your “friend.” When you ask her why she hadn’t returned your calls, she says, “Oh you know the network has been so bad, I kept trying your number and then I lost my phone and all my numbers.” We all know that such excuses hold no water; your friend is just avoiding you like the plague because you lent her money! She has bought a new car, whilst yours is long overdue for a change, gone on holiday to Dubai, and had the party everyone is talking about. Another year passes and you’ve seen her several times at social occasions and the debt has never again been mentioned. Sound familiar?

No matter how much you lend to friends or relatives, whether it is N500 or N500,000 it is reasonable to expect to be repaid. You lend the money because you trust the person to keep their word. Money “palaver” breaks up or at the minimum can strain relationships. Sometimes, trying to collect it can breed awkwardness, resentment, guilt, and anger. It isn’t that lending money is the problem per se; it is that money changes the nature of personal relationships. However, a loan to a friend does not always have to result in the loss of both the friendship and the money if a few issues are considered.

It is nice to be able to help out a friend or loved one faced with a health crisis or other medical emergency, death of a family member, a job layoff, divorce, a new business venture or to assist with their rent or children’s school fees. You should know what the money is needed for. If it is a sudden illness or calamity or other serious need, then you should probably consider. After all, that’s what friend’s are for. Think twice before supporting an indulgence.

Think carefully before lending money. Can you afford to lend it in the first place? Do you realise you are likely to get back only the principal with no interest? If your friend ran into difficulty and couldn’t pay you back, will this put you in financial difficulty? Unexpected events occur that could mean that you need money in a hurry. Can your own emergency fund accommodate your unexpected need as well as your friend’s crisis?

Is it a loan or an investment? If your friend is starting a new business, is this money an investment in the business and buying you shares in the business or do you expect to get your money back in full? Are you comfortable with the risk and is there formal documentation in place?

How much should you lend? You must decide what you consider to be a substantial sum. Remember most experienced borrowers approach several people at the same time and can end up raising a tidy sum. Don’t play Father Christmas. You don’t have to put up the entire amount; a percentage would help.

Don’t be too casual about lending money. Even though it can be embarrassing, it’s always best to agree a repayment plan in advance. Smaller amounts can be lent without any documentation but for larger amounts, a promissory should include details such as the name of the lender and borrower, the loan amount, date, interest rate if applicable, schedule of repayment and both signatures. For substantial amounts, you may want to consider legal advice.

Once you agree to loan the money, try not to make your friend feel obliged to you as this can put a strain on the relationship. It is no longer up to you how it is spent. Don’t change the way you treat the recipient, don’t expect special favours from them or change your personal expectations of them. Be discreet; the last thing your friend wants is for you to publicize the fact that you lent them money.

Should you charge interest on a loan to a friend? It depends on the amount of the loan. If the loan is for a significant sum, you may wish to charge interest at least equal to the applicable Federal Govt Treasury Bill rate, which will vary according to the length of the loan. You are not trying to exploit a friend but this can serve as a guide.

It is only decent for an initial request to come with a repayment proposal. If a borrower doesn’t mention how they intend to pay you back, that should raise a red flag. What’s their track record like? Are they constantly borrowing? Don’t get caught out by a notorious borrower.

If you cannot afford to part with any money at this time, or feel uncomfortable about it, just say no. Sometimes borrowers can make you feel so guilty that you succumb to the pressure. It’s far easier to say no from the start than to have to hound your friend for the money.

Give instead. Borrowing and lending money are business transactions and should generally be treated as such. If this all sounds too formal for you, then its best to just steer clear of lending. Give instead. If you consider the loan to be a gift, if it gets paid back, then it’s a pleasant surprise, if it doesn’t, you weren’t expecting it back anyway.

Most people are aware of and have all read about the seasons of marriage and many times it is linked to the seasons of Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter. The different seasons have their different characteristics and it is helpful to know what season you are currently going through in your marriage to determine what you need to do to maintain the season, get out of it or improve the outcome of the season.

Generally speaking we can agree on some common factors which are that Spring means a season of fresh or new love, eyes are starry and there is such promise for the future and love (perhaps more idealistic than realistic) is at the height. Summer is when your love is comfortable and relaxed, perhaps even heating up. Everyone is happy in the summer and you are generally in a happy place.

Fall will be when your love needs some tending so that all the branches don’t fall off in true “Fall” fashion. It can be beautiful in some parks during the fall when all the various hues of leaves have fallen on a pile, kids particularly like to kick and play in the fallen leaves. So even in fall there can be some enjoyment of the season. Lastly in the winter season the marriage can get chilly, but also if tended you can enjoy lots of cuddling moments to keep yourself warm. It doesn’t have to be an icy time.

Spring can be when you are starting out, summer when you are glowing and comfortable, perhaps now with children, fall can be when kids are leaving the house and you are left with your spouse, winter is when you are old, children out of the house and you look forward to welcoming your grandchildren to the house.

Now what about marriage seasons in the true Nigerian fashion? Since there are lots of references to the seasons of marriage how do we categorize the seasons of the Nigerian marriage? We have wet and dry seasons period! So let us bring this home so we can relate – not everyone has necessarily experienced the seasons for themselves (apart from imaginations or hearing and reading about what the seasons are like). What we have are Wet and Dry seasons.

Wet season is when we have rain, rain and more rain, we also suffer flooding on the streets and depending on where you live or the severity of the rain you can possibly face flooding in your compound and maybe even in your house. There are lots of mosquitoes during the rainy season. During the rainy season your crops also grow quite easily, there is no need for artificial irrigation as the plants and flowers get all the rain they need. Our dams are also full of water and this means we have PHCN releasing more KWH (or we hope so)! The rainy season does bring some challenges, children can be more susceptible to colds, rain causes dust particles to float into the air causing respiratory issues, old trees can be uprooted during heavy downpours, gutters can get overflown causing pedestrians and cars to fall into ditches and stagnant water in gutters leads to breeding grounds of mosquitoes.

So how does this relate to your marriage? Rain and floods can represent torrents of love or torrents of drama. This can represent a time in your marriage when you are having loads of love, growth, development, nurturing of your marriage resulting in happiness to both spouses and your families as a result. However if you are not in a good place in your marriage either because of various challenges such as financial, raising children, drawing apart this can be a challenging time for the marriage as it can be matched by a seeming “torrent” of problems from several directions. As they say when it rains it pours. If you do not manage this season properly and tend your marriage you can have weeds and lots of mosquitoes in your life. Your goal during the Wet season of your marriage should be to get an umbrella and shield yourself from the rain, do not allow stagnation, which breeds multiple unsavory conditions. Be sure to have tending at the high point and enjoy the benefits of good torrents!

Dry season usually accompanied with harmattan is signified by lack of rain, harsh weather (dry lips, dry skin, dry hair), increase in fog levels, increase in dust levels. On the other side, it is nice and cool and a respite from the heat of the sun. If not managed properly and there is exposure there can be increases in dust related ailments such as catarrahs or asthma. There is an increased need for constant moisturizing to combat dry skin, brittle hair and chapped lips.

For your marriage, the dry season means exactly that it can be dry! Brittle and fuzzy, think of a very foggy day blurring your eye sight. This is a season for you to put more effort in tending your marriage; you need to keep it well moisturized. It can represent a cool time for your marriage – this cooling down can be good and bad, it can be good cooling down from the heat of arguments and challenges it can also be the cooling down in the love, which is not necessarily healthy for the physical and emotional needs of the marriage.

Bottom line is Nigerian version of Marriage seasons is perhaps easier to manage as your marriage is either WET or DRY! Once you figure out which one you fall into at any given time you can determine what “tending” strategies you need to employ to maneuver the season.

So no matter the weather make sure you tend, moisturize, nurture, protect, pray and Love!

photo source: tumblr.com

One of the benefits of living in Nigeria is that labour is cheap.  So for working Mums (and those who can) having a nanny is a great advantage.  But can you find a good nanny?

Abiola Okubanjo, Director of Tiger Lily Children’s Wear shares her views on finding that rare gem and reveals just what it might cost you to achieve this feat.

Benefits of getting a nanny

I had always heard that living in Nigeria would be a great experience as a mum. Where before I struggled valiantly alone with all child-rearing duties, now I would enter a period of living it up like a Queen.

No more getting the kids up in the morning, ‘sayonara’ to the ritual of bath and dressing, and ‘so long’ to the school run.  I could turn my back on the endless cycle of cooking and feeding, put a thumb up the nose to the mad dash through traffic to make it in time to pick the kids up before the school called social services on me and say ‘goodbye’ to the exhausting bedtime routine.

How to find a good nanny

I arrived in Nigeria ready to embrace the freedom of being ‘a Madame’ and then… I noticed the terms and conditions of my new status.

In bold, and highlighted for the world to see, it says “You employ staff to take over the bits of child-rearing you can’t be bothered to do”.  However, the devil is in the detail, the small print shall we say.  It’s here you learn what a trial it is to actually find competent staff to entrust your pride and joy to.

You learn that far from discussing the merits of different child-rearing philosophies with a modern-day Mary Poppins, you cross off “Why do you want a career looking after children?” from your list of interview questions.  When the answer is invariably “I don’t, I just need the money” accompanied by a baffled look, you have to lower your expectations.

What nannies are asking for these days

Eventually you make your choice from the slim pickings of money-focused ladies of indeterminate age (I have had women in their forties claiming they are under 25!) and delusions of where their ‘skill’ places them in the pecking order of the labour market (from their salary requests you would think I was employing a PhD graduate for a chemical engineering role).

Lets assume that the gods are smiling on you from above and your chosen lady actually turns up for work at the appointed time and day.  Lets also assume that she passes the medical you insist she takes with a trusted clinic of your choice, after all you have been warned that All Clear medical checks from the ladies themselves or their agents are to be treated with caution.

How to train your nanny

Finally it is just you, the Nanny and your wary kids.  This is where the real work begins.  You can forget the idle life of the underemployed mama sitting back and allowing her to get on with it.  Oh No, you have now become a one-woman Health & Safety Expert, Distributor of First Aid Knowledge, Infection Control Police, Practical Child Care Trainer, Implementer of Safe Working Practices, Fire Marshall and Work Ethic Mentor.

Nannies, even the experienced ones, do not necessarily come burdened with prior knowledge or understanding of simple childcare skills.  Do not be surprised if your Nanny thinks it is perfectly reasonable to allow raw meat to gently defrost on a shelf above peeled and chopped fresh fruit.  Shrug it off if you have to explain the merits of holding on to the banister while she carries your precious, squirming toddler up two flights of marble staircase.  Merely sigh when you have to remind her AGAIN to wash her hands with hot water AND soap before she prepares your little one’s meal, especially as she has just left the ladies’ room.

With such vigilance required on your part, you would be forgiven for snorting in disbelief at the picture painted of idle, wine-swilling  ‘Madames’ that you were initially presented with.  That’s the Nanny Trap we have to deal with in real life.

Tiger Lily Children’s Wear is an affordable luxury mail-order and online brand for newborns to teens that cares about style and believes in value for money. Founded by former hedge-fund manager and mum of 2, Abiola Okubanjo and international fashion stylist, Yety Akinola, Tiger Lily has headquarters in London and operations in Nigeria.  From our New York office, Yety, who styles celebrities such as rapper Kanye West, singer Justin Bieber and actress Danni Minogue, expertly puts our range together.

by Tosin Akingbulu

I remember tagging along behind my mum as we went shopping every last Saturday of the month. I drew one heavy step after another because this was my least favourite chore – grocery shopping. The market was always messy and when we passed the butchers’, oh, that stench! Whew! And I always wondered if it was the same piece of meat exposed on wooden tables, which also had flies hovering over it that we were going to put into our pot of stew!

Sometimes we would buy so much and have to carry so many bags. When we had to stop to buy an item, I would drop the bags to rest my hands and sometimes, forget that I kept the nylon with the pack of Maggi cubes on the stool beside the okro seller! We would get home and begin to look for Maggi and I would remember the okro seller’s stand, miles away. My ears would then remain sore for days from pulling and twitching. As much as I hated going to the market, I still went with mum on every trip. I had to help. It was the least I could do -considering that she was going to grind the pepper with a grinding stone (yes, grinding stone! My dad claims the taste of blender-stew is different!) and “wash” beans for moin-moin with a protruding belly.

It became more difficult when I first left for boarding school. Mum was in her third trimester and she had to do the market trips alone. She was always easily exhausted as she dragged the heavy bags home. She couldn’t bargain as well as she used to. She had to sit to rest at every stall she bought an item. When asked why she did all of that, she’d say ‘such is the fragrance of motherhood, the pact of every African woman’.

Well, now, I am twenty-five years old. When asked about my mum’s household care pattern, I say that method is called ‘suffer-head theory’. Yes, I do not believe the fragrance of motherhood is to overwork oneself. Grind pepper with stones? If you don’t like the taste of blender-stew, please add more curry!

My life is much easier. I do not do market trips anymore. My family eats very healthy too. The secret? I buy all my groceries online! I draw a list in the office and log on to a grocery site: www.jaramall.com. I buy all I need and have them delivered to my home. When no one is available to receive the groceries at home, I request for them to be brought to my office and I take them home. And my groceries are always fresh and well-packaged – no flies or stench!

I am a 21st century working mum (a “smiling mum” too) and even at that, my family stays healthy! So, whose household care pattern do you dig? Mine or my mum’s?

Specifically in this situation, the king had a dream and he asked for interpretation. Everyone who the king expected to be able to translate his dream was unable to and therefore in anger sentenced everyone to death.

Daniel on facing the death sentence requested to speak with the King, he spoke to the King with wisdom and discretion whereby the King granted him the opportunity to save himself from the death sentence.  After he successfully got his request for more time from the King he went ahead to pray to God for mercy to reveal to him what he needed to secure his life.

This can be applied to many things in your life, is there something that you are facing condemnation for? A problem to which you are seeking a solution?

The lessons learned from Daniel –

1)   When faced with difficult situations react with discernment and wisdom. Ideally you should have cultivated this continuously by praying to God for these qualities so that when you are faced with tough or challenging situations you are able to react with the fruits of the gift of discernment and wisdom like Daniel. “…Daniel handled the situation with wisdom and discretion” (Daniel 2:14).

2)   Pray to God for his mercy and for him to reveal the answer on how you should handle the particular situation. If you ask the Lord for his guidance he does answer. But you must have trained and prepared yourself by having a relationship with God and an ability to hear from God. Like Daniel did when “He urged them to ask the God of heaven to show them his mercy by telling them the secret (v.18) and God did answer as seen “That night the secret was revealed to Daniel in a vision” (v. 19).

3)   Thank and praise God for answering your prayers and providing solution and clarity. Give God the glory when you do find you are able to answer or solve an issue. As Daniel did he gave God the glory when he got the answer to the problem as God revealed the answer to him via a dream. Daniel did not claim to have done it on his own but he gave God all the glory “there is a God in heaven who reveals secrets” (v.28)

Though the other men were unable to call on their gods, Daniel was able to call on his God of Heaven who gave him the solution to the Kings “secret”. The King also gave praises to Daniels’ God only saying “Truly, your God is the greatest of gods, the Lord over kings, a revealer of mysteries, for you have been able to reveal this secret”. (v. 47)

It has been shown many times over in research studies that a parent who is involved in their child’s education has a positive impact. It’s reflected in improved grades and test scores, strong attendance, a higher rate of homework completion, higher graduation rates, improved attitudes and behaviors in the child, as well as the child being more likely to become involved in positive extra-curricular activities.

Send out the message early in your child’s education that your home is an involved and active supporter of their learning. Probably the most important element of a positive learning environment at home is structure. But what is too little or too much?  If we’re too lenient or expect too little, your child may become disorganized or unmotivated.  If we’re too rigid and strict, it can cause undue pressure or cause your child to feel unable to deliver on your expectations.

So what’s the best way to meet in the middle and create a positive learning environment for your child at home?  Help your child develop a work area where they can study and focus without being interrupted. Children usually do better when they have a private study area away from interruption. If your child prefers doing their work at the dinner table, make sure other family members understand the dinning table is off-limits during study time.  Make sure your child has plenty of supplies and reference materials available and that the area has plenty of light.  Regardless of its location, ensure the area is quiet and that your child can study and work uninterrupted. Agree on a regular time for studying. To help your child make homework a habit, schedule a set time each day for homework. Perhaps breaking study time up into smaller increments would work better for your child than one solid period.

Work with your child to find out what works best for them. In addition, be sure your child has a sufficient break between the time they arrive home from school before they sit down to work in order to ‘decompress’ from their school day. Help your child develop a method of keeping track of homework assignments. This can be a difficult chore for some students. Developing a successful way of keeping track of assignments then scratching them off as completed helps them develop a productive method for accomplishing tasks later in life.

Help your child develop skills to encourage and learn studying habits for him or herself, do not make them reliant on external help by transferring their learning from the classroom to learning with a lesson teacher or home tutor, especially if the child does not need the additional help outside of the classroom.

Develop a positive line of communication with your child’s teacher.  Teachers are usually very willing and excited to work with an involved parent to help the child’s overall success in school.  Whether it’s notes sent back and forth in your child’s backpack or an e-mail correspondence, make sure your teacher knows your open for suggestions as how to better assist them in the homework and study process at home.

photo source: atlantablackstar

A Mother’s Letter to Her Children About Marriage by Francis Ebuehi

Dear Children,

Should the Lord give you the good gift of a husband or wife, and I hope He does, there are a few things I want you to know. Things that you may not hear from anyone else, and certainly not on TV or other media. Sadly,… your church may not even tell you.
Marriage, sweet little people, is not for the purpose of your happiness. Happy as I want you to be and hope you will be, you must yet understand that marriage is God’s design and His purposes must be pursued in order for you to be truly happy. His end is holiness and He will use all things in a life devoted to Him to fulfill that end.

To my girls:
Marry a man whose first pursuit is Christ. After that, he is not hard to please. Admire him, cheer him on and show gratitude, and he will fall over himself trying to please you. Smile often, speak well of him always, and do whatever necessary to try and maintain a pleasant mood about you so that it transfers to your home, making it a place where he and your children love to be.
You’ll have bad days of course, crying days even, and that’s when you go to your bedroom, kneel on the floor and beg the Lord to carry you. Then get up, get a fresh perspective (crayons will come off the wall), and try again. Above all else, make a home.

To my boys:
Marry a woman whose first pursuit is Christ. After that, she may be hard to please only if you don’t know “the secret”. What is that? I’m glad you asked. The secret to pleasing your wife is to make her feel safe and treasured. You may have to move out of your comfort zone to do this at times. She won’t always readily translate the oil change to love, though it means that. But let me give you a “secret question”–a question you need to ask her often. It’s not just in the asking, though. Be sure to focus your eyes on hers, maybe even touch her shoulder or face, and then ask: “What’s on your mind these days? “ And then be ready to listen. She wants you to draw her out. She will perceive this as your protection over the matters of her heart. Tenderness, listening, protection. That’s what she wants.

To you all:
If your wife or husband does something really stupid, forgive. If they do it again, forgive again. Forgiveness must be the propelling force in your lives each day. Dwell on the strengths, push out thoughts of their weaknesses. Take every thought captive–choose to love.

Here’s that part you are not going to hear often:
If you find yourself “not happy”, having lost attraction, disinterested, etc., you are not permitted to even think about a divorce. If you find yourselves arguing more and more, don’t think for a minute that “the children will be better off out of this”, because they won’t.

The vows you took on your wedding day were not suggestions. They were covenant vows, before a Holy God, family and friends, to stay with this person the rest of your life, even if you don’t feel like it. You swore a solemn oath and if you can’t live up to it, don’t get married. Decide up front that your marriage is irrevocable. There is far more motivation for getting along if your “marriage house” has no door.

by Tracy Nneka Osokolo

Tracy Nneka Osokolo is the author of “Red Pepper and English Tea” – ANBUKRAFT Award Winner for Best New Fiction. She was a Resident Writer at the London 2012 Olympics Festival at the Southbank Centre.

Hoping that it wouldn’t come too soon, I’m now experiencing that section of the rules book we were given at our Marriage counselling Class – the decision factor. Growing up, I always thought that it was easy for our parents to do things like pay school fees, buy food, buy toys and make sure that we were driven everywhere in a car instead of taking public transport or walking around town like most Lagos children. It just seemed that adults had a place where they went every day at 8am to consult with a goddess of money, and by evening time at 8pm, this goddess would give them the money they needed for everything. At some point, I even got it into my head that both my parents had a money tree from which they went to harvest naira every morning, when they dropped me off at school. On many occasions I would throw a tantrum and scream-cry when I was stubborn enough to follow them to harvest this naira. I just thought school was too boring so it meant that the adults had more fun at this place they called the ‘office’.

Now that I’ve come to understand the conspiracy of white-collar employment or any employment of sort in Lagos, I’m seriously thinking of ways to protect Fi from hurt and any disappointments that may lie within her Career. I know she needs them to be an all-rounded woman of substance, but I don’t know how and if she might recover from the professional attacks that will come from allies and foes along the way to the top. To make Fi’s journey smoother than ours, her father and I have decided that she would go to the best schools and engage in as many extracurricular activities as we can find. Hopefully, these will give her more options at a better life than we had. I guess we chose to do this because we want her to be the best in a fiercely competitive world, but most importantly because we’d like to see her become everything that we couldn’t be therefore, making us proud amongst our friends and extended family.

I didn’t quite understand the pride that a child brought to her parents as a result of any fundamental success until I was getting married. For some reason, it was not my event… my parents particularly gloated and basked in the smiles of the day – I had done them proud and now I understand how!

Corona in Apapa GRA is one of the best schools around us, and our best choice too, since we wouldn’t want Fi to endure the gruelling traffic between the Island and the Mainland. Everyone who lives in Lagos knows that over 90% of the best schools are across the 3^rd Mainland Bridge. Fi started her educational journey in Corona and in addition to what she learns at school, we make sure she gets coaching in Playing the Piano and Violin, Dancing Ballet and Salsa, Athletics, Swimming, Capoeira and Taekwondo. When she is not doing any of those, I personally coach her in Reading, Writing and even Singing as a way to develop her voice and demeanour during Public Speaking drills at School. We’ve dreamt big for Fi, but our pockets don’t seem to dream at the same pace.

I can see that she has developed so much since her first year at School, but I’m in a constant debate with her father on whether to continue with the School fees for her second year or buy a Cake Processing Industrial Machine for the Bakery. Arguments, arguments and more arguments! Dinner seems to be eaten cold these days because we spend so much time analysing the best step to take. We know it’s wise to invest in our business, which is the future to solving all our financial problems. But investing in Fiona is key too because she will only be 4 years old once in her life time and we need to get her foundation right. Fiona’s Dad and I seem to be sitting on the fence in this matter.

I definitely feel like I am standing in-between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea. Sadly, there is no all-knowing Babalawo that we can visit or Pastor who can see into the future and tell us what to do right now. The total on Fiona’s Second year education at Corona is equivalent to the amount needed to import new Processing Equipment at our Bakery, from China. This morning, after I dropped Fi at school, I sat in my Study. I was going to write. I couldn’t. I was stroking the shiny piece of metal on my left hand. I stared at the glitter above the sloping metal as it hugged my fourth finger.

I remembered Oxford Street. I remembered that hot afternoon at J. H Samuel Jewellers in London. I remembered the over-weight, over-made-up Black British lady who attended to me when I walked in. I’m sure I looked too small or too thin to be a bride, when I asked for a ring. I’m also sure she didn’t know that I had £5000 to give her. She joked that the wedding ring is the smallest handcuff ever invented. I didn’t laugh with her because I thought otherwise. Now, I’m inclined to agree that it is a bond. But it’s also a bond to consistent sacrifices and unending compromises until ‘Death Do You Part’.

The diamond ring was small, thin enough to fit into my slender finger and except one looked closely; you wouldn’t notice its glitter. When you did notice, you might not understand why something so small has to cost so much. She scoffed when I asked her to show me that small ring as I ignored the big stones she shoved my way. I wore it and smiled because I didn’t want to flaunt my wedding; I wanted to relish my happiness instead.

I held my gaze at my diamond ring without blinking. I stood up and close the door behind my Study. I didn’t take my ipad for that drive. I just needed only my diamond ring and the car key. It should be enough to give my daughter her second year education and my husband’s bakery a facelift.