Schools are meant to educate and train children, referring to creche, playgroups, nursery, primary and secondary schools. By the time we get to Senior secondary and University the children are largely formed and are semi-adults.

Schools and parents are a cycle of schools relying on parents and the parents relying on the schools to join forces to teach and instil the right values in the children. Schools as a result of experience of having hundreds of children pass through their school walls and research might know better than parents what is good or bad for children in the long run. Parents on the other hand will be somewhat limited to their set of children.

So here is a list of the top 4 things Schools should ban on behalf of the children (and their parents).

1) No Extensions (or attachment) allowed - Children have very tender hairlines and extensions put a lot of strain on the hairline. One of the benefits parents talk about is that the children will have to do their hair less often, however, the children are not in a fashion contest so their hair doesn’t have to be “perfectly neat” all the time. There are several hairstyles that will last for a couple of weeks and not need to be taken out weekly. Long term damage to the hairline of children can lead to “traction alopecia“.

3. No unhealthy lunches allowed – Children need to get a balanced diet and while in school children will probably have a meal and a snack, these meals should be healthy. Too many lunch boxes are filled with candy, biscuits and packaged juices everyday. Parents can use the teachers to their advantage, teachers many times represent a different kind of authority that children respond to. So if they are encouraged in school to finish their carrots and apples they will most likely eat these at home with little fuss. It is highly unhealthy for children to consume these empty calories on a daily basis. 

photo credit: black-women-beauty-central.com, superstock.com, tunnellightss.blogspot.com, belgraviacentre.com

Mum to daughter: What is it? What do you want Maggy? Gosh you are so annoying….

This is the conversation I heard a mother have with her child at school pickup, this girl could not have been more than 6 years old. She just shrunk and stood quietly beside her mum after this outburst.

There are certain things that parents should just not say to a child like telling your child that he or she is annoying! If the child is indeed out of order and needs to be corrected, there are many ways to ask a child to stop a particular action. Simply tell the child to stop it or even tell them there will be a punishment. Sometimes children suffer because of a parent who doesn’t quite know how to manage his or her emotions or communication style.

On the flip side I saw a mum pick up her child from class and tell him that she missed him soo much and asked excitably about his day school! His whole face lit up.

As parents we need to guard our words, our actions, our utterances and reactions to our children. Don’t forget that they soon grow up and you get what you gave. Literally children are the end products of how they were raised and if you were abusive, judgmental and impatient with your child then you will most likely get a child who will also be impatient and judgmental with you when they do become adults. These children might end up with self-esteem issues, be jittery and might have built up walls around their hearts overtime to protect themselves from their parents harsh words and reactions.

The parenting job description comes with the request to build up your children, we are meant to discipline them as well but not to tear down with abusive words. No child ever reacted negatively to healthy love.

photo source: blackloveandmarriage.com

Gideon had shown many instances where he asked God for signs to prove something God said.

We read in Judges 7: 9 that God woke Gideon up and told him to go down into the Midianite camp because God has given Gideon the victory.

God went ahead and offered Gideon an additional opportunity to be assured (confident),  incase he has some fear or doubts of the victory God had already given.

Gideon took God up on the offer and went down to the camp to confirm. There he overhead some men talking about a dream and its interpretation which confirmed what God had already said of assured victory.

Many of us are like Gideon, we are human and can have doubts of the victory God has promised.  God is sure of victory, however knowing us he understands, like he understood Gideon, that we sometimes need a little convincing.  This doesn’t deter God rather he goes a little further to give us the assurance we need.

If God has chosen you and wants to use you, he will work with you give you the tools you need and build up your faith to enable you realise the victory he has already assured.

So let’s be rest assured that God has chosen us to be victorious and if he has said it he will do it.

Text Judges 7:9-11, 13-15

Below are a list of ten recent psychology studies that every parent should know.

1. Parents are happier than non-parents

In recent years some studies have suggested that the pleasures of having children are outweighed by the pains.

“Ha!” said parents to themselves, secretly, “I knew it!”

Not so fast though: new research has found that, on average, parents feel better than non-parents each day and derive more pleasure from caring for their children than from other activities (Nelson et al.,. 2013).

Fathers, in particular, derive high levels of positive emotions and happiness from their children.

2. Putting your child first is worth it

Underlining the pleasures of having children, research finds that child-centric attitudes are beneficial.

A study by Ashton-James et al. (2013) found that parents who were the most child-centric were also happier and derived greater meaning in life from having children.

Performing child-care activities was associated with greater meaning and fewer negative feelings.

“These findings suggest that the more care and attention people give to others, the more happiness and meaning they experience. From this perspective, the more invested parents are in their children’s well-being — that is, the more ‘child centric’ parents are — the more happiness and meaning they will derive from parenting.” (Ashton-James et al., 2013)

So, what’s good for your kids, is also good for you.

3. Helicopter parenting may be depressing

As with many things in life, though, it’s a fine line between caring and smothering; especially when children have grown up.

Schiffrin et al. (2013)asked 297 undergraduate students about their parents’ behaviour and how they felt about it.

The study found links between ‘helicopter parenting’ and higher levels of depression amongst the students, as well as lower levels of autonomy, relatedness and competence.

“Parents should keep in mind how developmentally appropriate their involvement is and learn to adjust their parenting style when their children feel that they are hovering too closely.” (Schiffrin et al., 2013)

4. Avoid strict discipline

Around 90% of American parents admit at least one instance of using strict verbal discipline with their children, such as calling names or swearing at them.

Rather than helping keep adolescents in line, though, be aware that this may just exacerbate the problem.

A study of 967 US families found that harsh verbal discipline at 13-years-old predicted worse behaviour in the next year (Wang et al., 2013).

And it didn’t help if parents had a strong bond with their children. The study’s lead author Ming-Te Wang explained  “The notion that harsh discipline is without consequence, once there is a strong parent-child bond–that the adolescent will understand that ‘they’re doing this because they love me’–is misguided because parents’ warmth didn’t lessen the effects of harsh verbal discipline. Indeed, harsh verbal discipline appears to be detrimental in all circumstances.”

5. Regular bedtimes

Regular bedtimes really matter to children’s developing brains. Researchers followed 11,000 children from when they were 3-years old to the age of 7 to measure the effects of bedtimes on cognitive function, (Kelly et al., 2013).

The researchers found that “…irregular bedtimes at 3 years of age were associated with lower scores in reading, maths, and spatial awareness in both boys and girls, suggesting that around the age of 3 could be a sensitive period for cognitive development.”

Regular bedtimes are important for both boys and girls and the earlier these can be implemented, the better for cognitive performance.

6. Do the chores together

Bringing up happy children is easier if Mum and Dad’s relationship isn’t too rocky. One frequent bone of contention between parents is the chores. A trick for achieving marital satisfaction over the chores is to do them together.

When partners perform their chores at the same time–no matter who is doing what–both people are more satisfied with the division of labour (Galovan et al., 2013).

7. Limit infant TV viewing

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children should watch no more than two hours of TV per day after two years of age, and none before that age.

Here’s why: a new study that followed almost 2,000 Canadian children from birth found that an extra hour’s TV viewing at 2.5-years-old predicted worse performance later when they attended kindergarten (Pagani et al., 2013).

The more children exceeded this recommendation at 2.5 years old, the worse their vocabulary, math and motor skills were at 5-years-old.

More on this study: One Extra Hour of TV Reduces Toddlers’ Kindergarten Chances

8. Exercise boosts kids’ school performance

Kids are increasingly sedentary and, as I frequently write here on PsyBlog, exercise is a wonderful way to boost brain power, and it has many other benefits (see 20 Wonderful Effects Exercise Has on the Mind).

A new study of 11-year-olds has found that moderate to vigorous exercise was associated with increased academic performance in English, Maths and Science (Booth et al., 2013).

These gains from exercise were also seen in exams taken at 16-years-old. Interestingly, girls’ science results benefited the most from extra exercise.

9. Dangers of intense mothering

Some women say that taking care of children is more stressful than being at work. There are also links between child-rearing and stress and guilt.

How can we square this with the reports and research findings that children fill your life with joy and meaning?

It may be down to differences in attitudes to parenting. In particular, being an ‘intense mother’ may be bad for you.

In their study of 181 mothers of children under 5, Rizzo et al. (2012)found that mothers who most strongly endorsed the idea that children were sacred and that women are better parents than men, were more likely to be depressed and experience less satisfaction with life.

Yes, nurture your children, but don’t sacrifice your own mental health.

10. Why siblings are so different

Anyone with more than one child will have noticed a curious thing: their personalities are often very dissimilar.

In fact, according to a study by Plomin and Daniels (1987), siblings have no more in common in their personalities than two completely unrelated strangers. This is very weird given that 50% of their genetic code is identical.

The answer isn’t in the genes at all, but in the environment in which children grow up.

Far from having the same environments, each child has:

• a different relationship with their parents,
• a different relationship with their other siblings,
• different friends and experiences at school…

…and so on.

And all these differences add up to quite remarkable dissimilarities between siblings–often such that if they didn’t look alike, you’d never know they were related. All this means, of course, that because their personalities are often so different, parenting strategies that work with one child, may not work with another. It’s just one more challenge of being a parent!

One of the major components in motivating your child to achieve success is “Self esteem”.  Most parents are very much aware of how self esteem is highly emphasised in our day-to-day lives… as adults we understand the significance of having self esteem or the lack of it, which affects us positively or negatively; when we feel good about ourselves, we become confident and face life head long, often very productive in undertakings.

On the contrary, lack of self esteem stems from feelings of unworthiness, guilt, depression, humiliation, constant feeling that others are better than you, a person who lacks self esteem is often an under achiever, and do not seek to work to his maximum potential.

The Foundation of Self-Esteem

To the world, you are a person; to a young child, you mean the world.
From the first days of your baby’s life, you can lay the foundation for self-esteem by responding appropriately to your child’s signals for help (distress, anger, etc.) and fun (interest and enjoyment). 

As parents you are the most important people in your baby’s world. You provide your child with his first definitions of himself. You tell him through your every word, gesture, and action just how important he is and how he is perceived by the outside world. 

It’s common for growing children and as well as adults to fluctuate between episodes of high and low self-esteem over the course of months or years. However, a solid foundation of self-esteem—built by appropriate responses to a child’s signals and nurtured throughout childhood—will help most people maintain a basically optimistic view of their lives and their future over the course of life’s ups and downs.

How Self-Esteem is Damaged

Some parents inadvertently diminish their children’s self-esteem by interfering with or belittling their signals for interest and enjoyment. This triggers the automatic, built-in response of shame, and shame erodes self-esteem.  It is common to see families in which both the parents and children have a variety of troubles related to a poor sense of self and self-esteem. The adults in these families often don’t understand how feelings and emotions work. The family ends up in a toxic situation because there is a mismatch between the child’s expression of emotional needs and the parent’s ability to respond appropriately.

Helping Your Child Build Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is important in and out of the classroom. Teachers and parents can support self-esteem by remembering some of the following:

• Always accentuate the positive. Do you ever notice those suffering from a low self- esteem tend to focus on the negative? You’ll hear statements like: ‘Oh, I was never any good at that. ‘I can’t keep friends’. This actually indicates that this person needs to like themselves more!
• Avoid criticism. Those suffering with low self-esteem struggle the most when given criticism. Be sensitive to this.
• Always remember that self-esteem is about how much children feel valued, appreciated, accepted, loved and having a good sense of self worth. Having a good self-image.
• Understand that as parents and teachers, you play one of the biggest roles in how good or bad a child can feel about themselves – again, avoid criticism. Influence from a parent or teacher can make and break a child’s sense of self-esteem. Don’t abuse it.
• Turn mistakes inside out and focus on what was or will be learned from the mistake. This helps a child focus on the positive, not the negative. Remind students that everyone makes mistakes but it’s how those mistakes are handled that makes the difference.

Self-esteem is an important component to almost everything children do. Not only will it help with academic performance, it supports social skills and makes it easier for children to have and keep friends. Relationships with peers and teachers are usually more positive with a healthy dose of self-esteem. Children are also better equipped to cope with mistakes, disappointment and failure; they are more likely to stick with challenging tasks and complete learning activities.

Self esteem is the bedrock of success in everything.  It is attractive because researchers have conceptualised it as an influential predictor of relevant outcomes, such as academic achievement.

Some women don’t have any pregnancy symptoms for weeks and may only realise they could be pregnant when they start to have some of the following pregnancy symptoms. Generally the first signs of pregnancy (sore breasts, feeling a bit irritable) are easy to confuse with PMT or an impending period.

source: slocounty

Missed period : Missing a period is the clearest sign for many women that they could be pregnant. But there are causes other than pregnancy for your period not arriving on time, such as stress, being too thin, taking certain medicines, eg the Pill, and breastfeeding.

Implantation cramps and bleeding : Another symptom some women have is poking feelings in their abdomen, or slight bleeding. This is implantation cramping and bleeding caused by the egg burrowing into the womb lining.

Other pregnancy symptoms : For some women none of the above applies and their first pregnancy ‘symptom’ may be that they just feel unwell, as if they’re coming down with a virus or bug. Other women feel lightheaded or dizzy, while some get headaches.

Spotting and Cramping : A few days after conception, the fertilized egg attaches itself to wall of the uterus. This can cause one of the earliest signs of pregnancy – spotting and, sometimes, cramping. That’s called implantation bleeding. It occurs anywhere from six to 12 days after the egg is fertilized. The cramps resemble menstrual cramps, so some women mistake them and the bleeding for the start of their period. The bleeding and cramps, however, are slight.

Besides bleeding, a woman  may notice a white, milky discharge from her vagina. That’s related to the thickening of the vagina’s walls, which starts almost immediately after conception. The increased growth of cells lining the vagina causes the discharge.

This discharge, which can continue throughout pregnancy, is typically harmless and doesn’t require treatment. But if there is a bad smell related to the discharge or a burning and itching sensation, tell your doctor so they can check on whether you have a yeast or bacterial infection.

Breast Changes : Breast changes are another very early sign of pregnancy. A woman’s hormone levels rapidly change after conception. Because of the changes, her breasts may become swollen, sore, or tingly a week or two later. Or they may feel heavier or fuller or feel tender to the touch. The area around the nipples, called the areola, may also darken.

Other things could cause breast changes. But if the changes are an early symptom of pregnancy, keep in mind that it is going to take several weeks to get used to the new levels of hormones. But when it does, breast pain should ease up.

Fatigue : Feeling very tired is normal in pregnancy, starting early on. A woman can start feeling unusually  fatigued as soon as one week after conceiving. Why? It’s often related to a high level of a hormone called progesterone, although other things — such as lower levels of blood sugar, lower blood pressure, and a boost in blood production — can all contribute.

If fatigue is related to pregnancy, it’s important to get plenty of rest. Eating foods that are rich in protein and iron can help offset it.

Nausea (Morning Sickness) : Morning sickness is a famous symptom of pregnancy. But not every pregnant woman gets it (I know of a pregnant woman who had evening sickness). Here’s why it happens. A pregnant woman’s hormone levels can slow the emptying of her stomach. That contributes to nausea, often called morning sickness, though it can happen at any time during the day. Also, some women crave, or can’t stand, certain foods when they become pregnant. That’s also related to hormonal changes. The effect can be so strong that even the thought of what used to be a favorite food can turn a pregnant woman’s stomach.

It’s possible that the nausea, cravings, and food aversions can last for the entire pregnancy. Fortunately, the symptoms lessen for many women at about the 13th or 14th week of their pregnancy.

In the meantime, be sure to eat a healthy diet so that you and your developing baby get essential nutrients. You can talk to your doctor for advice on that.

Other Early Symptoms of Pregnancy

• Frequent urination. For many women, this starts around the sixth or eighth week after conception and it’s most likely due to hormonal levels.
• Constipation. During pregnancy, higher levels of the hormone progesterone can make you constipated. Progesterone causes food to pass more slowly through your intestines.  To ease the problem, drink plenty of water, exercise, and eat plenty of high-fiber foods.
• Mood swings. These are common, especially during the first trimester. These are also related to changes in hormones.
• Headaches and back pain. Many pregnant women report frequent mild headaches, and others experience chronic back pain.
• Dizziness and fainting. These may be related to dilating blood vessels, lower blood pressure, and lower blood sugar.
• A heightened sense of smell eg to cigarette smoke or cooking
• Feeling emotional and crying more easily than usual
• Metallic taste in the mouth (which could also last all through the pregnancy)

A pregnant woman could have all of these symptoms, or maybe have only one or two. If any of these symptoms become bothersome, talk with your doctor about them so you can make a plan to offset them.

Sources: Mumsnet, Webmd

I came across this article on Submarine parenting on Huffington post, as an effective parenting style with teenagers.

source: psychopassgroupproject

Submarine parenting is staying out of sight under the surface letting the kids manage their lives as things come up. The parents are aware of how things are going with their teens, how their decisions are turning out, and are available to step in as needed. Onlookers might see the submarine parent as detached, disengaged, or uninvolved, however the opposite is true. Submarine parents practice “parenting with intention.” Purposely backing off but keeping a hidden eye on their kids’ progress. Purposely giving them the room they need to succeed and to fail and bounce back again.

So what are some ways to use “submarine parenting” with your own kids? Here are five ways to take action with your teen by parenting with intention:

1. Back off on purpose. This isn’t checking out, ignoring, or any other form of apathy or poor parenting. Instead, it’s the exact opposite. By checking their grades, making all their appointments for them, keeping up with their schedules for them, they never develop the skills to do these things themselves. However, when you leave it to your teen to keep up with these things, and he suffers a setback because he missed something, that’s good. It teaches him to dig his own way out of the consequences that fall as a result of his oversight. This is the natural process of growing up.

How will he grow up if you do everything for him? How will he be successful in the future if he doesn’t learn how to become an adult? Allow your teen to develop… don’t stunt his growth.

2. Let your teen make his own decisions. In my work with my clients, I often see teens in this state of ambivalence between what they believe they want and what the world pressures them to think they need. It’s an extremely stressful place to be. At this point in their lives they should be ready to begin making decisions regardless of their friend’s, or parent’s, or society’s opinion about the decision. If they screw up, good. Pick them back up. They’ll learn from the decision. Experience is still the best teacher.

And sometimes, not addressing their problem is actually a really great move. It leaves the responsibility for solving it in their court. Adolescence is a great opportunity to learn to be an adult and try decision-making skills while still in that safe place with parents. Your teens won’t be there with you forever. Give them the space they need to practice.

3. Talk to your teen with respect, like the adult he is trying so hard to become. When you talk to him like he’s a child, you stop the growing-up process. So discuss things with him in a tone that conveys you’re interested in his opinion. He’ll reach forward to fill the shoes you set before him.

4. Model healthy behavior for your teen to follow. Rather than telling him how you think he should be living his life, put your attention on your own life and the things you enjoy, and your child will emulate what he sees in you, and put his attention on his life and doing things he enjoys. Show him how to take care of himself by taking care of yourself. Whether through exercise, getting a mentor of your own, good habits, hard work, show your kids what living healthy is. Live it yourself and you’ll be pleased with the changes you’ll see in your child.

You can still be available as a sounding board when needed. Otherwise, keep your attention on yourself and your interests and responsibilities, resisting the urge to micromanage your adolescent’s life… and let him put his own energy on finding his own solutions. By staying back, and not hounding your teenager with your solutions, you’re communicating to him without words that you have full confidence in his ability to handle his situation.

Not surprisingly, this needs to be consistent since things don’t just change overnight but develop through a process over time. But, over time you’ll notice that he’s handling his own life better and better.

5. Let go of the power struggle. Submarine parents understand that the power struggle is a pattern that needs to be broken. Once parents engage in that struggle, they’ve lost. Picture a game of tug-of-war. Just drop your end of the rope. As a parent, you aren’t in a competition of wills with your teen.

Your role is more like a curator, overseeing his development till he’s ready to go forward on his own. You’ll spare yourself loads of stress if you resist the urge to get caught in the tug-of-war of wills.

It helps some parents to hear that a teen’s behavior is only a symptom of his emotional state, so looking past the behavior and drilling down to what’s behind it can take some of the mystery and disappointment out of your teen’s unexpected behaviors. Sometimes teens will make immature decisions out of their emotional need to move forward, not realizing the decision isn’t necessarily a healthy one. Rather than reacting to the behavior, it helps to try to understand what he’s trying to accomplish and respond to that. And often, seeking the help of a professional, such as a mentor like me, can help parents make decisions that foster their teen’s continued development, rather than entering a tug-of-war where everyone is confused and hurt.

Because a mentor isn’t the parent, the autonomy-seeking teen is open to listening to his advice. Teens literally have to learn how to grow up. They’re ready to let go of parent’s direction like a bird ready to fly out of the nest. But they still need to hear counsel from someone as they try out their new skills.

Wise submarine parents set their teen up for future success by putting a mentor in his life to provide safe direction that their teen views as a product of his self-reliance. By doing this, they’re supporting their teen’s desire to gain independence and showing respect for his need to grow up…while still providing the added support he needs to get there.

Submarine parenting isn’t for cowards. It’s a generous and intelligent approach to helping teens navigate the tough times of adolescence and gain independence and confidence for success as adults.

Contributed by Nimi Akinkugbe

On 8 March every year several events take place all over the world to mark International Women’s Day. Nigeria is no different and throughout the month of March, several workshops, seminars and conferences will celebrate the economic, political and social achievements of women.

Traditional gender roles historically presented household income from a perspective where women were expected to stay at home and look after the children. The economic reality today is that to lead even the most modest existence more often than not requires a two-income family. Indeed, most families have to rely on incomes from both partners in order to meet family goals of educating children, living in a decent home and planning for retirement.

President Barack Obama, on October 5, 2010, addressed the 2010 Fortune Most Powerful Women Summit in Washington, D.C. where he honored accomplished women from around the world. On that occasion, he stated that women make up half of America’s workforce and are primary or co-breadwinners in two-thirds of American families.

Indeed women all over the world are earning more than ever before, and many of them are contributing a significant part of the household income, sometimes even assuming the role of primary breadwinner. This social phenomenon is bringing about profound changes and has financial, emotional and psychological implications for both men and women particularly in a patriarchal society such as ours with its traditional views of gender roles. Any role reversal can be destabilising, and this trend can lead to frustration or resentment as an increasing financial burden is placed on women on the one hand and potentially bruised male egos on the other.

Generations of women have held the Proverbs 31 woman as their role model. She forms the perfect picture of a busy woman running her home, rushing to work, running a business, making investment decisions, and volunteering her time for charitable causes, whilst continuing to be the rock of her family; the exceptional wife and mother.

Even though she existed thousands of years ago, her approach to life and her finances, is more relevant than ever for the 21^st Century woman. Proverbs 31 forms a veritable guide to all women of what we can aspire to and with wisdom, determination and focus, today’s woman is capable of making a success of both her home and her work. This discussion focuses on the very practical financial lessons and concepts that come to the fore that we can imbibe and include in our own lives.

She is frugal

“She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.” She is prudent about her shopping and is quality conscious. She values her customers, so will go some distance to ensure that she gets value for money. We too can be frugal in our shopping, and avoid impulse buying.

She invests wisely

“She considers a field and buys it; from her earnings she plants a vineyard”. Apart from working to earn a living, she invests carefully. She not only plans for the short term but understands and seeks the benefits of long term investments and income and contributes to the financial well-being of her household. She is reliable and dependable and her husband trusts her and has full confidence in her ability to make the right day-to-day decisions and administer the family assets efficiently.

She plans ahead and is organized

“When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.” She plans ahead for a rainy day and is an organised and energetic woman who manages her time efficiently; she accomplishes more by starting her day early and carries out her responsibilities with diligence and good cheer.

She is an entrepreneur

“She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.” “She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.” This woman runs a business from her home and has the business acumen to be a successful trader in the marketplace. An entrepreneur, her effort and industry supplement the family income.

She is talented and industrious

“She stretches out her hands to the distaff, and her hands grasp the spindle” She uses her creative talents to earn additional income to support her family. She is a wonderful example of diligence and industry. What talent have you been blessed with? With a little imagination and determination you can put your talent to good use. You may be a great cook, have a special voice, or be a gifted tailor. How can you develop these skills through diligent application to the point where they can increase your income, be of benefit to you, your family or your community?

She is generous

“She extends her hand to the poor, and stretches out her hands to the needy.” She is generous in her giving; not only did she care for her family, and her domestic staff, but she also gave back to society and had the sensitivity and compassion to care for the poor and needy.

She keeps fit and strong

“She girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong”. We get the impression of a woman who kept herself physically and mentally fit and well, through exercise and an appropriate diet going vigorously about her duties as so many people depended on her.

She is submissive

There are misconceptions about the word “submissive.” To many “modern” women, the word submissive has a negative tone about it as it connotes weakness. Yet, a truly submissive and God-fearing woman is not feeble; she is strong, capable, intelligent, resourceful, hardworking and patient. She lays aside all negative connotations to rest and sees the ideals of submission not as subservience or as a threat to her identity, but rather, as a partnership. It does not undermine her, her confidence or her position in any way.  There is no contest about who is “in charge.”  She is her husband’s helper.

In exploring submission, one discovers that whilst it may not be an easy or a popular choice, it brings harmony to a home. It is that admission of dependence upon one another and an acceptance of our traditional roles.

It is far too easy to place the Proverbs 31 woman up on a pedestal as if to try to emulate her is an unattainable goal. Today’s woman has much to learn from this ancient biblical ideal. In examining the characteristics of this remarkable woman, as we pass through our diverse and complex lifestyles, juggling family, home, work, career and business, let us see if we can come any closer to this ideal in our own lives and as traditional gender roles evolve.

Written by Mrs Nimi Akinkugbe, Lagosmums money management and financial specialist. For further questions or advise send email to contactus@lagosmums.com

Let me just start by saying that I am a firm believer in moderation when it comes to eating. In our house, there are no foods that are completely off-limits. But there are many that are reserved for special occasions, and many others reserved for “once in a blue moon” occasions.

The items on this list represent the latter. They are not evil. And your child certainly won’t be harmed by the occasional serving. But it’s still best to limit their consumption to rare situations.

Here are some foods that children should avoid:

Read more: care2.com

You already know it is important to eat a well-balanced diet, but it is even more important when you are pregnant. Keep in mind now you are eating for two. Whatever you eat, the baby eats as well. In fact the baby actually takes your nourishments so you must eat enough for both of you. The healthier you eat the better it is for the pregnancy and you.

Never miss a meal while you are pregnant, especially breakfast. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day and your baby has probably been waiting since he or she woke up in the middle of the night. You may learn that if you wait so long before eating you start to feel sick, this is your body telling you to eat. Do it!

Make sure you are getting enough of the food you need daily.  It takes 4-6 servings of dairy a day for a healthy pregnancy, this can include some cheeses, milk, yogurt. This provides the baby with calcium which it will need to develop healthy growing bones. Adding extra calcium to your diet wouldn’t hurt you either, especially your teeth and bones.

Don’t forget about your fruit and vegetable servings. Lots of green is always a good choice, so are sweet potatoes.  Not only will you be giving your body what it needs but you will start to have more energy. Try laying off the sweets for a week and replace them with healthier items and see how alive you feel.

Foods to Avoid

Not all foods are safe during your pregnancy, there are a few things you should avoid eating:

• unpasteurized  products- brie
• Certain fish- exotic, shark, swordfish, anything high in mercury
• Raw eggs
• Undercooked meats- lunch meats. If you are buying a deli sandwich you can ask for them to eat the meat up a little.
• Caffeine- soda, chocolate. If you find this difficult you can wean yourself off, but the less caffeine in your system the better it is for the baby.

If you are ever unsure of the foods you can eat you can ask your doctor for a list of items to avoid during pregnancy. They will be more than happy to share this with you.

You may also learn that your stomach won’t handle certain foods that it would before. Some of those foods may include foods that contain grease, fast foods, meat, and certain foods that have a strong odor.

Eating healthy doesn’t mean you have to cut out all the fun in your life, you can still treat yourself from time to time. Go out and get a frozen yogurt or a smoothie.

While you are making sure you get enough to eat throughout the day, that doesn’t mean neglect your fluid intake. You will need lots of water and juices from here on out. The baby will thank you later. Who knows, you may discover that you really enjoy eating healthier and continue it even after the pregnancy.

source: momlogic

While watching the recent Oscars award show, one recipient stood out for me…Yes! It’s Lupita Nyong’o (just Google her name). She is to me, a true inspiration and embodiment of a girl with dreams. It is true that “the best accessory a girl can wear is her Self-Confidence”.

Your daughters are not born with self-esteem, neither are you! Chances are if you as a mum suffer from poor self-esteem or the lack of it, your daughter(s) may inherit it too.

Today’s girls have so many pressures … they want to fit in, achieve, compete for boys, and live up to society’s expectations of what and who she should be. All of this can whittle away at her, especially when she doesn’t feel pretty, popular, talented, socially accepted, or loved at home. Her self-esteem can drop dramatically in school, as well as her grades.

I remember transitioning from Primary school to secondary at the age of 8. I became known as “the smallest girl in JSS 1b-most of my girlfriends were much older. I was constantly teased by how young I was that it really affected me and my grades gladly showed it. I constantly felt I didn’t measure up and kept thinking, yea, they are right, am too young to be in secondary school and completely forgot how intelligent and smart I was.

All girls need strong guidance, encouragement, and help with discovering their gifts. And all girls need to know that they are equal to boys in ability and not left to pursue female-dominated careers if they choose not to.

How to Help Your Daughters

As parents, it is important to reinforce your daughter’s confidence as you begin the process of letting her go. Encourage her to be true to herself and to her origins.

1. The Foundation

From her first breath, remind your daughter on a daily basis, through words of affirmation and action, that she is strong, smart, and beautiful. Research confirms that girls with low self-esteem most commonly receive less praise and more criticism from either parent.

2. Limit Media Access.

The messages you work diligently to provide will quickly be challenged if you don’t filter media that blatantly contradicts them. A great deal of television and print media set unrealistic physical standards and portray over-sexualized, disempowered girls and women. Unchecked, it will shape your daughter’s sense of reality, self, and the standard she is expected to meet for acceptance, desirability, and success. Additionally, it’s essential that you help her to achieve media literacy (raisingworldchampions) so even when she’s engaged with it, she’ll have a more discerning mind.

3. Create open lines of communication.

Talk to your daughter about everything from what she likes to wear to her hopes and dreams for the future. It is important for you to establish friendship with her while she is still young. Hormonal shifts that begin the transition into adolescence can begin as early as eight or nine years old. The further down the adolescent path she is, the more difficult it will become to establish lines of communication that will essentially become lifelines in your efforts to guide and protect her throughout her teen years. The best place to start, if you haven’t already, is by talking with her about her day on the way to school or just before bed time.

4. Encourage her to find and use her voice.

I always tell the girls I work with to think of their voice as a significant part of their “being”—the more they use it, the stronger it will be. Speaking on behalf of your daughter most or all of the time limits her voice.

5. Make no subject taboo.

From sex to drugs, making any subject off limits to your daughter (whether stated or implied) will only ensure her journey down a path of shame, ignorance, and ultimately, danger. If she cannot get open, honest, and accurate information from her parents, she will get it from less-educated sources that may leave her misinformed and far less able to protect herself.

6. Dad, be aware of the power of your words and actions.

The way a father expresses his value and respect for women directly impacts the way his daughter sees herself and the degree of respect and overall value she will expect to receive from boys and men.

7. Mum, never forget that you are her most important role model.

As a mum to a daughter, I constantly work on being my daughter’s role model. It is imperative that we do whatever is necessary within acceptable parameters to get ourselves to a place of knowing and understanding our value as women, if we have any hope that our daughters will do the same.

Listen to your daughters. You have dreams for her, but she has dreams of her own. Learn to respect them, along with her thoughts, ideas, and feelings even though she will make mistakes along the way. Every child falls and then discovers balance as she learns to walk.

There is nothing more stressful than to have something go wrong during pregnancy. It doesn’t matter if it is your first time being pregnant or your fourth. There are many things to be concerned about during your pregnancy and it is easier when you know what they are.

Vaginal bleeding - This may also known as spotting, but make sure that is what is going on. There is a difference between actively bleeding and spotting. Spotting is lightly bleeding kind of like your period, the blood can be red, pink or even brown. If you are bleeding actively with any pain call your doctor, if you can’t get a hold of him go immediately to the emergency room. Bleeding can be a number of things from implantation, ectopic pregnancy, labor, infection or even miscarriage. Always let your doctor know, so everything can be ruled out, you’ll feel better too.

Stomach pain or cramping - During the pregnancy it may be hard to decipher the difference between a growing pain and an actual stomach pain/cramping. However, if you do get a pain of any sort rest. After a few minutes if it doesn’t subside, call your doctor and describe the pain to him. Don’t worry about it if you find out you only had gas or were having Braxton hicks contractions, at least you know everything is okay with pregnancy.

Gush of liquid - This could mean you are in labor and that your water broke, however if it isn’t close to the time of birth it can be something else. Call your doctor immediately and head for the emergency room.

Dehydration -  While you are pregnant it is easy to become dehydrated, especially if you have morning sickness or just don’t drink those 8 glasses of water. If you find yourself pale, dry mouth or dizzy, you could be dehydrated and should be seen by a doctor. Dehydration can cause premature labor and or distress on the pregnancy.

Painful urination – Could be a urinary tract infection, also known as UTI. This can be easily treated with medication or by drinking lots of fluids and cranberry juice. A urinary tract infection isn’t something to be embarrassed about, it is very common amongst pregnant women. The growing belly pushes against your ureters and makes it harder for it to flow through. Which of course can cause infection. Another way to find out if you have it is if you have a foul odor when you pee.

Pregnancies can be scary enough, there is no reason to add to it. If you are ever in doubt or have a concern talk with your doctor. It is common that first time mums are worried about many pains that they feel.  Never fear calling because you are afraid of waking the doctor up or because you feel silly. Being silly might just save the baby. While you are worrying, you are only causing stress on you and the baby, it is better to find out what is wrong and relieve your anxiety.

Accidental Inventors

1. In the 1930′s, Noah McVicker and Joseph McVicker invented a clay-like substance to clean wallpaper. Twenty years later Play-Doh was tested in kindergartens and preschools. Play-Doh is a household name now comes in variety of colors. Even though the McVickers didn’t intend to create a toy, their creativity sparked a huge business that’s lasted for decades.

2. Another accidental inventor is Frank Epperson who invented the Popsicle. He left a stirring stick and some soda water outside overnight when the temperature dipped to below freezing.  The next morning Epperson woke up to find his frozen soda that’s now a summertime favorite around the world. Teach your kids that when they make a mistake or misstep, explore it and see where it leads.

3. The Slinky was also created by accident when a U.S. Navy Engineer noticed that a spring that dropped appeared to walk across the floor. Richard James’ wife came up with the name Slinky.

Never Too Young

4. By the age of 14, Farrah Gray was a self-made millionaire from selling body lotion and painted rocks door to door in Chicago. At 29, he’s an author with a publishing company and an honorary doctorate degree. (http://farrahgray.com/)

5. At the age of 9, Leanna Archer created a hair care company. By the time Leanna turned 15, she was the youngest person to open the NASDAQ and ring the opening bell. Her handmade hair products have sales of more than $100,000. (http://www.leannashair.com/)

6. Tyler Dickman was 15 when he started his company, Cooltronics. It provides online lesson on protecting your home computer from viruses. His net worth is almost $3 million dollars. (http://cooltronics.com/home.html)

7.  Richard Bottner turned his homework into a business idea.

While he was attending Babson College, Bottner wrote a 10-page research paper on what students expected from internships. He realized he could expand the survey, then share it with the human resources industry. His company, InternBridge, expects to generate more than $100,000 by providing research and support to companies who’d like to work with interns.  (http://www.internbridge.com/)

Richest kid entrepreneurs

8. 17 year old Nick D’Aloisio sold his mobile app Summly to Yahoo for $30 million dollars. Not bad for a kid who’s still in high school. (http://summly.com/)

9.  Fraser Doherty is worth approximately two million dollars. The Scottish entrepreneur left high school to run his million-dollar jam making company, CEO Jam. (http://www.fraserdoherty.com/)

10. By the time Cameron Johnson sold the greeting card company he started when he was 11 years old, his net worth was more than one million dollars. “Cheers and Tears” started when his parents asked him to design their holiday cards. Johnson is now a serial entrepreneur who has appeared on Oprah. (http://www.cameronjohnson.com/his_companies.htm)

Are your children interested in becoming their own boss or running a business? Do you think knowing about the entrepreneurs on this list with encourage them?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Joyce Brewer is an Emmy award-winning TV journalist who’s the creator/host of MommyTalkShow.com. The work at home wife and mom is also the author of Use What You Know: A Business Idea Guide for Moms. Joyce loves Starbucks café mochas, creating YouTube videos and catching a nap whenever she can.

source: hellobeautiful

Expect the best from your child.  If you expect the best behaviour and performance from your child, it’s often what you will get.  Children pick up on our beliefs about them, form a self-concept that matches that belief, and perform accordingly.

If we expect them to be lazy, they’ll be lazy, which will confirm our expectations for them, and the cycle toward failure is started. If, on the other hand, we expect our kids to be successful, productive, creative, responsible and honest and believe it to be true, then our children can’t help but rise to the occasion and confirm our best opinions of them with their positive actions. So expect nothing but the best from your children and watch them fulfil your expectations.

Praise your child often when they perform a good deed or accomplish a new task.  Set simple, clear and consistent rules so your child knows exactly what is expected and the consequences of misbehaving or breaking the rules. Maintain a consistent daily routine for your child as much as possible, and make sure your child gets lots of physical activity and time to play and socialize with their friends.  Encourage your child to learn how to make appropriate choices, and encourage your child to do things for themselves. Allow your child to talk about strong feelings, which will help them work through their anger and frustration.

Above all, be a positive role model for your child, as their strongest educator is your example.  Take care of yourself, and expect the best from yourself.  Make appropriate choices and be firm yet fair when disciplining your child. Make sure to spend lots of quality time with your child, and encourage them to become involved in activities that foster cooperation and a sense of accomplishment.  If you have great expectations of your child, you’ll be greatly pleased in the end.

Just like a snowflake or a fingerprint, every child is unique in their own special way. Every child has a unique way of feeling, thinking, and interacting with others. Some children are shy, while others are outgoing; some are active, while others are calm; some are fretful, while others are easy-going. As a loving and nurturing parent, it’s your job to encourage them to embrace their uniqueness and celebrate their individual qualities.

Allow your child to express themselves through their interests.  They may find a creative outlet in theatre, dancing or art, or they may be exceptionally talented in the sciences.  Encourage them to embrace what they like to do, what interests them, and what makes them happy.  Help them realise that they don’t need to worry about being ‘like everyone else.’

Teach your child to make positive choices, and praise them for good deeds, behaviours and positive traits they possess.  Encourage them to become actively involved in their community, and introduce them to activities that promote a sense of cooperation and accomplishment.  Be firm yet fair when handing down discipline for misdeeds or misbehaviours, and make certain the rules and consequences for breaking the rules are clearly defined.  Show a cooperative, loving and united front with your spouse when it comes to discipline.

Accept and celebrate your child’s uniqueness. Remember that your child is an individual. Allow your child to have his or her own personal preferences and feelings, which may be different from your own.

And finally, encourage your child to be true to themselves by doing the same.  Show your child how to make positive choices with the choices you make, and that nobody is perfect and you too make mistakes.  Show your child that mistakes can be a great learning experience, and that they should not be ashamed or embarrassed about making them.

Some women don’t have any pregnancy symptoms for weeks and may only realise they could be pregnant when they start to have some of the following pregnancy symptoms. Generally the first signs of pregnancy (sore breasts, feeling a bit irritable) are easy to confuse with PMT or an impending period.

source: slocounty

Missed period : Missing a period is the clearest sign for many women that they could be pregnant. But there are causes other than pregnancy for your period not arriving on time, such as stress, being too thin, taking certain medicines, eg the Pill, and breastfeeding.

Implantation cramps and bleeding : Another symptom some women have is poking feelings in their abdomen, or slight bleeding. This is implantation cramping and bleeding caused by the egg burrowing into the womb lining.

Other pregnancy symptoms : For some women none of the above applies and their first pregnancy ‘symptom’ may be that they just feel unwell, as if they’re coming down with a virus or bug. Other women feel lightheaded or dizzy, while some get headaches.

Spotting and Cramping : A few days after conception, the fertilized egg attaches itself to wall of the uterus. This can cause one of the earliest signs of pregnancy – spotting and, sometimes, cramping. That’s called implantation bleeding. It occurs anywhere from six to 12 days after the egg is fertilized. The cramps resemble menstrual cramps, so some women mistake them and the bleeding for the start of their period. The bleeding and cramps, however, are slight.

Besides bleeding, a woman  may notice a white, milky discharge from her vagina. That’s related to the thickening of the vagina’s walls, which starts almost immediately after conception. The increased growth of cells lining the vagina causes the discharge.

This discharge, which can continue throughout pregnancy, is typically harmless and doesn’t require treatment. But if there is a bad smell related to the discharge or a burning and itching sensation, tell your doctor so they can check on whether you have a yeast or bacterial infection.

Breast Changes : Breast changes are another very early sign of pregnancy. A woman’s hormone levels rapidly change after conception. Because of the changes, her breasts may become swollen, sore, or tingly a week or two later. Or they may feel heavier or fuller or feel tender to the touch. The area around the nipples, called the areola, may also darken.

Other things could cause breast changes. But if the changes are an early symptom of pregnancy, keep in mind that it is going to take several weeks to get used to the new levels of hormones. But when it does, breast pain should ease up.

Fatigue : Feeling very tired is normal in pregnancy, starting early on. A woman can start feeling unusually  fatigued as soon as one week after conceiving. Why? It’s often related to a high level of a hormone called progesterone, although other things — such as lower levels of blood sugar, lower blood pressure, and a boost in blood production — can all contribute.

If fatigue is related to pregnancy, it’s important to get plenty of rest. Eating foods that are rich in protein and iron can help offset it.

Nausea (Morning Sickness) : Morning sickness is a famous symptom of pregnancy. But not every pregnant woman gets it (I know of a pregnant woman who had evening sickness). Here’s why it happens. A pregnant woman’s hormone levels can slow the emptying of her stomach. That contributes to nausea, often called morning sickness, though it can happen at any time during the day. Also, some women crave, or can’t stand, certain foods when they become pregnant. That’s also related to hormonal changes. The effect can be so strong that even the thought of what used to be a favorite food can turn a pregnant woman’s stomach.

It’s possible that the nausea, cravings, and food aversions can last for the entire pregnancy. Fortunately, the symptoms lessen for many women at about the 13th or 14th week of their pregnancy.

In the meantime, be sure to eat a healthy diet so that you and your developing baby get essential nutrients. You can talk to your doctor for advice on that.

Other Early Symptoms of Pregnancy

• Frequent urination. For many women, this starts around the sixth or eighth week after conception and it’s most likely due to hormonal levels.
• Constipation. During pregnancy, higher levels of the hormone progesterone can make you constipated. Progesterone causes food to pass more slowly through your intestines.  To ease the problem, drink plenty of water, exercise, and eat plenty of high-fiber foods.
• Mood swings. These are common, especially during the first trimester. These are also related to changes in hormones.
• Headaches and back pain. Many pregnant women report frequent mild headaches, and others experience chronic back pain.
• Dizziness and fainting. These may be related to dilating blood vessels, lower blood pressure, and lower blood sugar.
• A heightened sense of smell eg to cigarette smoke or cooking
• Feeling emotional and crying more easily than usual
• Metallic taste in the mouth (which could also last all through the pregnancy)

A pregnant woman could have all of these symptoms, or maybe have only one or two. If any of these symptoms become bothersome, talk with your doctor about them so you can make a plan to offset them.

Sources: Mumsnet, Webmd

Expect the best from your child.  If you expect the best behaviour and performance from your child, it’s often what you will get.  Children pick up on our beliefs about them, form a self-concept that matches that belief, and perform accordingly.

If we expect them to be lazy, they’ll be lazy, which will confirm our expectations for them, and the cycle toward failure is started. If, on the other hand, we expect our kids to be successful, productive, creative, responsible and honest and believe it to be true, then our children can’t help but rise to the occasion and confirm our best opinions of them with their positive actions. So expect nothing but the best from your children and watch them fulfil your expectations.

Praise your child often when they perform a good deed or accomplish a new task.  Set simple, clear and consistent rules so your child knows exactly what is expected and the consequences of misbehaving or breaking the rules. Maintain a consistent daily routine for your child as much as possible, and make sure your child gets lots of physical activity and time to play and socialize with their friends.  Encourage your child to learn how to make appropriate choices, and encourage your child to do things for themselves. Allow your child to talk about strong feelings, which will help them work through their anger and frustration.

Above all, be a positive role model for your child, as their strongest educator is your example.  Take care of yourself, and expect the best from yourself.  Make appropriate choices and be firm yet fair when disciplining your child. Make sure to spend lots of quality time with your child, and encourage them to become involved in activities that foster cooperation and a sense of accomplishment.  If you have great expectations of your child, you’ll be greatly pleased in the end.

Just like a snowflake or a fingerprint, every child is unique in their own special way. Every child has a unique way of feeling, thinking, and interacting with others. Some children are shy, while others are outgoing; some are active, while others are calm; some are fretful, while others are easy-going. As a loving and nurturing parent, it’s your job to encourage them to embrace their uniqueness and celebrate their individual qualities.

Allow your child to express themselves through their interests.  They may find a creative outlet in theatre, dancing or art, or they may be exceptionally talented in the sciences.  Encourage them to embrace what they like to do, what interests them, and what makes them happy.  Help them realise that they don’t need to worry about being ‘like everyone else.’

Teach your child to make positive choices, and praise them for good deeds, behaviours and positive traits they possess.  Encourage them to become actively involved in their community, and introduce them to activities that promote a sense of cooperation and accomplishment.  Be firm yet fair when handing down discipline for misdeeds or misbehaviours, and make certain the rules and consequences for breaking the rules are clearly defined.  Show a cooperative, loving and united front with your spouse when it comes to discipline.

Accept and celebrate your child’s uniqueness. Remember that your child is an individual. Allow your child to have his or her own personal preferences and feelings, which may be different from your own.

And finally, encourage your child to be true to themselves by doing the same.  Show your child how to make positive choices with the choices you make, and that nobody is perfect and you too make mistakes.  Show your child that mistakes can be a great learning experience, and that they should not be ashamed or embarrassed about making them.

WHY YOU SHOULDN’T MISS THE MOTHER AND CHILD EXPO 2014

In every event there are moments that create long lasting memories. The Mother & Child Expo 2014 is one event that guarantees refreshing memories.  The expo will feature five exciting and captivating zones spiced up with experiences to make the event memorable.

The #MACExpoFeatureZones is aimed at promoting bonds, love and affection in families. It also doubles as platforms for corporate bodies to leverage on for the external projection of their respective brands as each  #MACExpoFeatureZones would be branded after your brand name.

Feature Zones

There are  five exciting feature zones  to the line of our 2014 Mother and Child Expo, and your opportunities for sponsors to have naming right for one five featured zones. These zones will create an experience, and highlight the extensive line up of programs at Mother and Child Expo.

• The Ultimate Nursery and Feeding Zone

The ultimate nursery and feeding area is a reserved section of the expo dedicated to mothers feeding their babies in comfort at the expo with necessary materials provided to simplify feeding.

• The Children Play Zone

This unique area is the play area where toddlers and all children would have the opportunity to unwind and have fun with the various toys, activities, and have fun.

• Mother’s Lounge Zone

The Mother lounge is an area where mothers can relax to snack, eat, drink and network with other mothers at the Expo

• The Diaper Changing Zone

The room is an area where every mother gets to change the diaper of their babies and children. Mums will get the chance to use diapers and other necessary materials by sponsor brand.

• Fashion Runway Show

The Runway Fashion show is a part of the program which would create an atmosphere of fun as pregnant women, toddlers and children walk down the runway with different fashion styles during the expo.

This novel platform is FREE to attend so bring your friends, families and everyone dear to you and it will afford families and major stakeholders the opportunity to interact with the exhibitors.

Date: Saturday 24th and Sunday 25th May 2014
Venue: The Haven, GRA Ikeja, Beside Arch Bishop Vinning Memorial Church, Lagos.

For More Information please email info@motherandchildexpo.com.ng | Visit: www.motherandchildexpo.com.ng | Like them on Facebook:www.facebook.com/motherandchildexpo | Follow on Twitter @macexpong | Call : +2348037182121, +234-7030117995.