It is mid-terms and the children have a week or a few days off from school. What type of Mid-term Mum are you?

• Take it easy Mum – This is time for them to recharge and relax, let the children stay at home. They can wake up when they want, go to bed when they want. They need to relax and take time off from the grind of going to school everyday. Their mid term activity is no activity.
• Hangout Mum – This is the time to hang out with friends and cousins, it is hard to squeeze in enough play-dates during the school year. So now they will go and visit Kumbi on the other side of town and some friends from their old school. Mid-term days are full of planning playdates and on who is coming over.
• Always got to be learning Mum – The children are booked at a mid-term camp! Let them go and hang out and mix with children from other schools. Probably pick up other skills from the camp like arts and craft, sewing, cooking, chess, robotics, build an app etc.
  
• Lesson Teacher Mum – Time to call in the lesson teacher to “coach” the children. Time to brush up on weak areas or any area that needs refining before the second half of the term and exams rolls around. There is nothing wrong with them being ahead of the class.
• Get out of Lagos Now Mum – the Mum who has booked the departure flight for the same night mid-term break begins. Always ready to get out of Lagos with the children the moment she gets.
• Fun seeking Mum – Time for fun, to visit places around Lagos like the Lekki Conservatory, Ikeja City Mall. Time to go out eating at  Johnny Rockets, or to get pizza. There are lots to do and so many movies to see. A movie and activity is selected for everyday till the midterm is over.
  
• Cultural Mum – With no school to disturb the day the children will wake up early everyday and make breakfast for the whole family, do laundry, do the grocery shopping and all the other domestic work possible.
• Career focused Mum – this is a great time for the children to gain some work experience, so off to an internship already hand picked. One week is enough to learn some necessary office skills and get exposure to a career. Thinking of maybe becoming  a doctor? off to Dr Marian’s clinic for the week.
• Daycare Mum – Turns the house into daycare, asks everyone to drop the children over at her house. Loves to entertain children and keep them busy with fun things to do. Time to bake banana muffins with smarties toppings!

So what type of Mid-Term/Half-term Mum are you?

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Nimi Akinkugbe, Money Matters with Nimi discusses don’t let the wedding ruin your marriage in this 2 part series.

Don’t let the wedding ruin your marriage

From our earliest years we are conditioned to dream of a fairy tale wedding. Parents are often under a lot of pressure on themselves to give their children the perfect wedding day, and to do all they can to support them. This can get very expensive. To avoid getting overwhelmed by all the expenses look carefully at the cost implications and prioritize carefully right from the start.

Many couples get carried away with the idea of the wedding and do not stop to contemplate the actual marriage. Sit down with your fiancé and talk about your goals and what you would like to achieve in the next year, five years and beyond, such as starting a family, buying a new car or paying a deposit on your first home. Write these goals down and keep them in view as you discuss the wedding plans. This should help you keep things in check as you prepare your life journey together.

Prepare a budget

Costs will usually include invitations, the wedding dress, hair and make up, outfits for bridesmaids and grooms men, church fees, church choir and musicians, DJ, band, reception venue, caterer, wedding cake, photographs, videographer, florist, guest favors, hotel, transportation, pre-wedding entertainment, honeymoon. It is advisable to hire a wedding or event planner as they are usually able to negotiate with their network of vendors for significant discounts, extras or to waive certain rental fees.

In Africa, a marriage is much more than a union between two people; it is a marriage of two extensive, extended families. This means that the biggest factor that will influence your costs is likely to be the number of guests that will attend often without formal invitation. If your average cost per person for food, drink, and rentals is N10,000, removing thirty people  from your guest list will save you N300,000. You will find that small compromises can often add up to big savings.

A buffet menu tends to work out to be cheaper than a plated one. Guests have come to expect and enjoy a good selection of mouth watering finger foods popularly coined “small chops” that are filling and are reasonably priced at between N600 – N2000 per head depending on the menu.

Drinks are a major cost particularly if spirits, fine wines and champagne are on the list. Even where you bring your own drinks to a hotel, the corkage rates can be prohibitive. A way to limit bar costs is to provide guests with basic drinks including water, fruit juices and soft drinks and drink tickets specifically for alcoholic drinks; after using their tickets, guests can purchase additional drinks with cash should they wish to do so. This is fairly common in other societies.

You don’t have to have everything. Guest favors need not be extravagant; a small meaningful memento of sentimental value will do. Large wedding cakes are a huge waste as usually desert is served at the wedding. A wedding planner mentioned that about 50% of the wedding cake goes to waste as half the guests have left before it has even been cut and shared. Remember you can still achieve the glorious look of the multi-tiered wedding cake if you replace some of the tiers with “dummy” cakes.

What are the most important things to you about your wedding day? The ring, which you will wear for decades, your wedding dress, or the photographs and video that must capture the memories? You can buy a beautiful ring without spending a fortune and then upgrade as a sentimental gesture on a future anniversary and as you refine your preferences. Bridegrooms and groomsmen routinely rent their outfits, but most brides will gasp at the suggestion that one might rent the dress of your dreams at a fraction of the cost of a new dress!

Start early, plan ahead

In an ideal world, parents should have been setting aside funds for family weddings as with other major goals such as funding your child’s education. Once you have passed the education funding hurdle, this is likely to be the next big spend.

Invest according to your time horizon. For a wedding that’s just less than a year away, funds should be placed in a bank fixed deposit or a money market mutual fund. If the expected marriage is still over five years away, you might invest in a portfolio of stocks for the prospect of long-term capital growth. An equity fund would also be an ideal choice as it offers flexibility, diversification and professional management.

To be continued….

Nimi Akinkugbe has extensive experience in private wealth management. She seeks to empower people regarding their finances and offers frank, practical insights to create a greater awareness and understanding of personal finance.

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Love has many sides and is many things. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love morphs

In every facet of my life and for all I have loved, this is the case, love morphs and changes over time. My love for God has grown from a very one sided – God bless me and I will love you, God deal with my enemies and I will praise you to more of a peaceful unconditional love. I know that God loves me no matter what.

At my worst, in my heels, reading my bible or indulging in social media banter – he knows me, he knows my heart and he loves me the same.

Love has different expressions

Love has different expressions and one of these is my love for my children. My children are my world. There is actually a dull ache when I am away from them at work. This ache is exacerbated by news that I missed a concert or missed playing the tooth fairy. Whilst I am generous with praise and physical displays of affection, the love I have for them also means I have to withhold treats and impose consequences for bad behavior as necessary. I know my pre-teen must doubt my love when she is the ‘only one’ that is not allowed to dye her hair, or have a youtube account or insert any other inappropriate behaviour.

Love is a choice

In our microwave society, it is extremely difficult to reconcile the above “what Love” is with reality. Forget the warm, giddy fuzzy infatuation when boy meets girl – that lasts 24 months maximum. With long term relationships and marriage comes bills, routine and a healthy dose of reality! Prince Charming’s aim in the boy’s room is poor and he has a huge problem with the number of your shoes, the heel height and your inability to get dressed in 5 minutes. The type of love needed to last the test of time is a resolute determined love, where you choose to devote yourself to another despite the multitude of reasons that would make it so easy not to do so.

There are different sides to love, but there are also parts of love that are the same. Love can morph, it can grow, it has different expressions but true love does not diminish, does not have ugly sides and it is always hopes!

Contributed by Mrs N

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LagosMums Fashion Looks – Happy Valentines Day

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While Valentine’s Day is usually celebrated with dinner reservations and roses, Valentine’s day as a family can also be fun. Below are some ideas on ways to celebrate valentine’s day as a family.

1. Show each other love – You can have everyone tell each other what they love about their siblings, mum and dad. Also use it as an opportunity to show that you appreciate each other.

2. Bake Treats - This could be a good day to bake some cookies together as a family and decorate it with pink frosties of sprinkles.

3. Get Cosy – Turn your living room into a semi movie theatre and watch a movie together as a family. You can go all the way and buy some popcorn to go with it. An old classic would be a good one, like Sound of Music. Visit Popsugar for some ideas of family friendly movies.

4. Valentine’s Day Art and Craft – Make Valentine’s day cards for each other at home, you can also get construction paper or cardboard and make red or pink heart shaped decorations. Help younger children to decorate the cards.

5. Make if Colorful - You can have everyone in the house wear something red and have a fun contest to see who has the most red.

6. Love your Partner – Show the kids that Mum and Dad love each other! Say you love each other infront of them and make a show of it with a hug and a kiss. Your kids will either squeal with delight and laugh or say “eewwww” (they don’t really mean it), but you make their day when you let them know that mum and dad love each other.

7. Go Out Together - You could go out together to celebrate, go out for ice cream or a pizza.

8. Play Games – Spend the day focused on each other and spend it playing some games as a family. This is a good time to reminisce and bring out old board games like snakes and ladders or play a game of cards. If going traditional isn’t your cup of tea, you could decide to play video games together or have a go at wii.

9. Have Fun Together – Put on some music and dance and sing together.  Nothing says love more than spending real time together as a family.

Photo source: kidsactiviesblog

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Happy Valentines day to all LagosMums, Dads and Children…I share what I know about love. Enjoy the excerpt from the article I wrote and you can read the full article on RomanceMetsLife

…Maturing through what love is has led me to discover that everyday is a day to celebrate love. When it comes to your spouse, everyday is a day to celebrate love (or should be). Living with another human being, the highs, the lows and the realities of life make you understand what love is in a different way.

I wear many different hats today and I do not see love, nor the fancy celebration of Valentines day, as something just for lovers. Love has many different hats and expressions – love as a wife, as a child of God, as a Mum, as a friend, as a daughter, as a colleague, boss etc.

Love means many different things to me now. Love is a choice, Love is real, love is natural, it is unpretentious. Love grows, love is not fleeting, love is not about butterflies. Love is about forgiveness. Mature love is about assurance and the certainty that you love someone and someone loves you back.

I see love as something that is minute-by-minute, day-by-day. The love that comes naturally when you hold your baby in your arms for the first time is the same love that grows as your child shows all their emerging characteristics. Love is that thing you cannot touch, but that you feel when you sit down with your spouse of many years, have a simple dinner after a stressful day at work and you can still make each other laugh.

Love is when you sit with your sister or your friend and you pray for each other, encourage each other through lives issues and out of your valley. Love is what you feel when you find a real support system that cares about you and you about them.

Love has true meaning as you get older in life, you understand that it is so much more than how you feel on one day, it is more than roses and dinner. Love includes loving yourself too, the curve of your stomach after carrying a child. It is about loving the person you have evolved into and cutting yourself some slack. Love is having passion for God’s given purpose for your life.

Love is about others and giving of yourself.

Love is something that grows as you grow, yes I will still celebrate Valentine’s day by going to dinner, giving a card and celebrating, but I know that Love is much more than one day of celebration.

The full post is on http://www.romancemeetslife.com/…/what-i-know-about-love-an…

Contributed by Yetty Williams.
Mum|Wife|Writer|Founder, LagosMums.com

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I used to think that taking control of my day was not something I could easily achieve neither did I know how to go about it. I was struggling with getting enough sleep, a long To-Do list per day and it did not seem that 24 hours was enough. I had to find time to be a mother, to get my job done, to pray, to exercise, to take care of the house and so many things. I kept feeling that God was not getting the level of priority that he deserved and I kept feeling guilty!

My routine was actually jump up when the alarm goes off. Scramble to get myself ready for work and get the children ready for school. We seemed to always be rushing while trying to make it out of the house and get the children to school on time for 7.30am resumption. I am sure there are many people who feel the same way, how are we supposed to get everything done within 24 hours?

After all, if God gave us 24hours in a day then these hours are supposed to be enough for us. I felt that I was just too busy and did not feel I was spending the amount of time I needed to with God. You know the saying that says if you are too busy to spend time with God, then you are busier than God intends for you to be.

So I took a stand and decided enough is enough I have to change something.

I decided to start somewhere and decided to see what I can change to have more time for and with God! So how have I done it?

I go to bed earlier, wake up earlier and spend the first 30 minutes of my day praying before the days activities take over.

• Learn to Stop - Whatever you cannot finish can be continued tomorrow. The truth is most of us are not disciplined to do what matters the most first, or figure out the true priority is. Everything seems to be important and needs to be done now! This is just not true.

• Start the day with prayer – I wake up slowly and start with praying in the spirit before i start the day. There is something about starting the day meditating, praying and connecting with God to order the day. Speaking into your day and aligning with Gods will is critical before you just start doing and running around.

The day will still have its up and downs so why not commit it all into God’s hands? The truth is there are many things we will face on a daily basis and it is important to understand we cannot do it all alone. Spending time in silence and being still before God brings peace and a certain calmness all day.

So before driving for five minutes and someone cuts in front of you on the road…you are able to just let it run like water off a ducks back rather than blaring the horn.

Try it, decide to start your day with God and you will feel more in control of your day!

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School Feature: Children’s Nest Creche

Please introduce yourself and your background?

My name is Marian Ovbiagele; I am a chartered accountant with over 10 years work experience with auditing firms in England and Nigeria.

 How did you decide to start a School? 

My passion to raise the standards of professional childcare in Nigeria was the major motivating force behind my decision to set up Children’s Nest.

 What is the name of the School and when was it founded?

 Children’s Nest Crèche opened in 2013. It was set up to be a home away from home for children between the ages of 3 months and 3 years.

 Please give details of your staff/administration?

I operate an open door policy and work full time personally at the crèche daily. Our team comprises of teachers who are Montessori trained and caregivers with several years of childcare experience.

 What is the curriculum/teaching methodology?

We teach the children using a combination of the Montessori and British curriculum and for the age group we cater to, this is mainly achieved through the ‘play way’ method.

 What is the Ratio of Teacher to Students?

The ratio of teachers to children is in keeping with the recommended British standard.

 What is the admission process? 

As a mum with young children, I am in touch with current child training methods. As such, our selection process is based on personal relationships that we develop with each parent.

What makes your school different? 

We have both regular (formal) and informal sessions with parents both to offer feedback to parents on the progress of their Precious Little Jewels (PLJs) – as we like to refer to them, and also for sharing childcare tips and tricks!

We recently opened a music school run by Mr. Godspower PreGee. His team’s depth of experience has been ‘instrumental’ in attracting several young children over the years to benefit from the array of 14 musical devices which they are skilled at playing.  Mr. Pregee’s set-up on the Crèche premises, combined with his teams unique children-training skill set has afforded his team the opportunity to ‘record’ even more successes with young children in recent months.

When choosing a Crèche for your Precious little Jewel the following should be given careful consideration: The orientation of the Crèche staff, the Crèche philosophy and their childcare standards.

 How can parents contact you for more information? Or to schedule a visit to the school?

We are open Mondays to Friday’s from 7am to 7pm. Feel free to call us to make enquiries and/or book an appointment on 01-4547480 and 07086458765. The school is located at  Plot D51, Landbridge Road, Millennium Estate, Oniru, Lagos, Nigeria.

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Our recipe for this week is how to make ofada rice and stew. Ofada rice is the short, robust and brown rice planted in Ogun state, South-West Nigeria and some other States in Western Nigeria. It is identified with brown stripes because it is unpolished. When cooked, it emits the unique ofada rice aroma that is often the first attraction.

For health conscious individuals ofada rice is one of the preferred choices. Ofada rice is better eaten with a sauce. The most delicious sauce for the Ofada rice is known as Ayamase (also known as designer stew). I marveled the first time I saw someone preparing the sauce because until then, I never heard of it.

This stew is commonly eaten with Ofada rice ( unpolished brown rice) and that is where it got the name Ofada stew. The unique difference from the other known ways of making the sauce is that while the others were made with red pepper, the Ayamase is made with green pepper.

Ingredients for the Ayamase Sauce

• Palm oil
• Green bell pepper – (green tatashe)
• Scotch bonnet/habanero pepper – (Ata rodo)
• Iru – fermented locust beans
• Assorted meats (you can also use chicken or Turkey) – cooked and cut in small pieces
• Beef Stock
• Seasoning Cube
• 1 large onion ( chopped)
• 1 cooking spoon of ground crayfish
• Salt to taste
• Boiled Egg (optional)

Method

1. Blend the Green Pepper with the ‘ata rodo’ and boil till it becomes thick. Remember not to blend the onions with the pepper.

2. While the pepper is boiling, cover the pot and bleach the palm oil for 8-10mins. Turn off the heat and leave the pot covered till the body is warm.

3. Once the pot has cooled, put it back on the heat and add chopped onions. Let it fry till it softens, and then add the iru and let both fry until a bubble of palm oil comes up.

4. Add the meats stir and let it fry till the oil comes up.

5. Add the boiled pepper and stir. Let it fry until oil floats to the top, then you add stock, roughly 1 cup, stir and let it fry until you start to see oil on top.

6. Add ground crayfish (a cooking spoon)

7. Stir and let the crayfish cook and combine with the stew. Reduce the heat, and let the stew fry till the oil comes back up again. At this point, you can add boiled eggs/dry fish/cooked ponmo if you wish. Once the oil comes up, taste again for salt and seasoning.

Enjoy with the boiled ofada rice (unpolished rice) or you can eat it with yam or fried plantain.

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LM Mum Of The Month: Aloted Omoba.

LagosMums interviews Aloted Omoba, a mum, writer and entrepreneur. Our mum of the month is the founder of Super Working Mum, a website that offers tips and strategies on how to balance ones life as a working mum. Enjoy this exclusive interview with the number one super working mum- Aloted Omoba.

Please introduce yourself?

I write under the pseudonym Aloted Omoba. I am a wife to an amazing man and a mother to two lovely children – a girl and a boy. We live in Essex, UK. I grew up in Ibadan, did my Youth Service in Lagos and lived there for a few years before moving back to the UK where I was born. I have a BSc degree in Computer Science and a Master’s degree in Operational Research. I started my career in Management Consulting and then moved on to work as a Business Analyst where I analyzed processes and systems for various organizations.

Currently I run Super Working Mum.

Share your journey to motherhood? 

I got married in 2007 and then had my daughter in 2009. All of a sudden, my schedule and priorities changed. I suddenly became responsible for another human’s existence. It was a whole new experience, and it seemed nerve-racking at first. It still can be!

I knew I wanted to have some gap between my children, (left to my husband he was fine with just one child), to give me time to adjust to motherhood so as not to get overwhelmed by the whole process. I had my son in 2013. So far it has been an interesting journey but the good thing is I am taking this journey with God …every single step.

Please tell us about your family?

We are a closed knit family. My husband and I endeavor to be close to our children who are now 5 years and 18 month old.

What does motherhood mean to you?

I see motherhood as a gift, a calling and a responsibility given to me by God to guide, protect, provide, empower and influence my children. To raise them up in the way of the Lord. Motherhood is a large part of who I am as a woman, and it has a great impact on every other aspect of my life.

Motherhood is something I do in partnership with my husband as co-parents for our children and with God who gives me wisdom on how to be the best mother for them.

What is your view on work life balance?

Oprah Winfrey once said, You can have it all, not just all at once. I agree with her. I also read somewhere that between work, family, and marriage, a woman must choose TWO to succeed at, or fail at all three.

My personal view is that every woman can avoid failing at all three, by realizing there is a time for everything. With a change in mind-set, adopting a degree of flexibility, and having a strategy, you can achieve work life balance, whatever that means to you.

How do you balance it all? How do you do it all?

I balance it all by knowing what is important to me at every given point in my life and focusing on doing what I can to live out my priorities. For example I changed jobs some years ago, in order to spend more time with my daughter. I got a pay cut when I changed jobs, because I decided to work somewhere local, rather than the city. However, I understood that money goes money comes. What is the point of having all the money in the world, at the risk of losing a great relationship with my daughter? It was a very easy decision to make and for me that is balance right there.

I also make sure I ask for help when I need it. I cannot do it all and won’t even pretend to try! I outsource things like cleaning; I engage my children by giving them age related chores to do.

Do you work outside the home or are you a SAHM?

I am a Work Life Balance Strategist. I specialize in helping busy working mums optimize their time, resources and relationships so that they can free up their time and spend it on the important things of life.

I also provide business strategy to my clients, helping them see where they can leverage their time by automating their business processes so they can get more paying clients easily. Most of my work is online so I work anywhere the work is – outside the home, client site or from home.

How did you decide to start Super Working Mum?

When my daughter was born, I experienced a BIG change. It was a whole new experience, and challenging. However, I knew I had to find a way to adapt to this drastic change in my life.  I also noticed that a lot of working mums around me were overwhelmed, always complaining of being busy with so much to do at home and at work. They struggled with finding time to take care of themselves and with growing spiritually which is the foundation of everything.

I began to trust God more, research, learn, and implement strategies that helped me cope with prioritizing and combining my work and home duties effortlessly and still grow in my spiritual walk.

Super Working Mum was therefore birthed out of my desire to share my findings with other working mums, to help working mums who are overwhelmed find balance and fulfillment in their lives whilst building a profitable business or career and still honoring God in the process.

Tell us about your book writing process and experience?

I had wanted to write a book for sometime but was waiting for the right time. Then, in January 2014, I read a book written by Salt, Bola Essien-Nelson called True Confessions. I liked the easy format of the book and then I got a light bulb moment- the time is now! Reading her book gave me the inspiration and kick I need to get mine started. I immediately set a deadline as to when I wanted to complete the book and make sure that every day I woke up early in the morning to write one or two chapters of the book. I did this for about two months straight and before I knew it the first draft was ready. I found a lovely editor who did the editing, got someone to do all the layout and the book cover and by September 2014 to the glory of God, the book was ready for print and launched.

What do you advise mums who nurse the idea of being a writer?

I will say if you are new to this start by keeping a journal or a blog to get those creative ideas out of your head. Make sure you write as often as possible to hone your writing skills. Join writers groups on Facebook or other sites. Take a writer’s course if you think you need one.

If you already have a book idea then start writing! Get that book out of your head onto paper. Everything else will fall in place.

How do you relax?

I relax by catching up on some of my favorite TV shows or a funny show on Youtube, hanging out with a friend and going on weekend retreats.

Difference between being a Mum in the UK versus Lagos, Nigeria?

The main difference I find is the ease of getting things done in the UK. I can do my grocery shopping, clothes shopping etc online that alone cuts away a lot of stress for me. I can bulk cook knowing that there is constant electricity and my food won’t spoil.   I know Nigeria is catching up on these things, which is a good thing. The downside of living in the UK though is that domestic help and childcare may be more expensive in the UK than in Nigeria. Also the support system is much better back home. I envy my sister sometimes because she can easily drop off her children at my parents but I don’t have such luxury here.

What are some of the funniest things that you have encountered as a mum?

My daughter says the funniest things and that makes me laugh. Children generally are funny and if you need to lighten up just hang around children.

How does a Mum keep view of her purpose?

A mum can keep her purpose in view of balancing the needs of her family by making time for herself. She needs to make sure she connects with her source, God, on a daily basis to draw strength to carry out her purpose. This might mean waking up before everyone else or staying up late at night when everyone else has gone to bed to spend time with God. He is the only one that can give her strategies and insights on how to balance it all. She must also learn how to maximize her time so she can fulfill her purpose while taking care of her family. In my book, Super Working Mum I share a lot of tips on how to do this.

What do you cherish the most from your childhood – now that you are a Mum?

I cherish the love I saw (and still see) between my dad and my mum, which in turn was extended to my siblings and I. That love has grounded me over the years. When there is love between daddy and mummy, the children benefit from it.

What are the benefits of going on all female retreats?

There are a lot of benefits but here are a few:

• It helps to eliminate the outside distractions of your usual daily routine so that you can set aside some uninterrupted time to solve key problems in your life
• It creates a sense of shared experience and bond with women of like minds
• It allows you to network and form lasting relationships with others in a safe laid back environment

Most of the ladies who attend the SWM group retreat in the UK have testified of new businesses launched, new events launched, forgotten dreams revived, improved walk with God, better relationship with husbands and peace in the home and most especially an overall sense of fulfillment, happiness and calm.

What is your philosophy on life?

Be kind to everyone you meet.

How would you measure being a successful parent/mum?

God gives success and if my children are doing their best and are influencing their peers/generation in a positive way I would consider that a success.

Any message to LagosMums?

To all the LagosMums reading this you are doing an awesome job. Remember God has provided the grace and resources you need for every stage of motherhood so invite him to take the journey of motherhood with you.  Also remember to take care of you; if you do not take care of you, you cannot successfully take care of your family.

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Sex education should be included as part of the curriculum? do you agree?

According to The Guardian, MP’s are of the opinion that Sex education should be compulsory in all primary and secondary schools, with sufficient curriculum time devoted to the subject and specialist training for teachers. The desire is for he Department for Education to come up with a strategy to deliver age-appropriate personal, social and health education (PSHE) and SRE as a statutory provision across all schools.

Apparently there is a demand for statutory sex and relationship education – from teachers, parents and young people. Since young people have a right to information that will keep them healthy and safe, Sex and relationship Education (SRE) can form an important part of any school’s efforts to safeguard young people from abuse, and is particularly needed to protect the most vulnerable children. Indeed if there is safe educational environment to discuss sexual matters children who are abused will find it easier to voice any inappropriate situations. 

More than three-quarters of parents want primary schools to teach about the difference between safe and unwanted touch - Lucy Emmerson.

As part of the recommendations, children in primary schools should be taught the proper names for genitalia as part of the national curriculum. Young children’s inability to name body parts represented a weakness in safeguarding. Children and young people should be taught the importance of respect and healthy relationships and to understand the role of the family – in all its forms. 

In theses days of social media and children as young as 14 being reported to pose in their underwear for their dp’s, young people might need to be made aware of appropriate and inappropriate actions. 

What do you think? Weigh in on whether or not Sex and relationship education should be a mandatory part of the curriculum in primary and secondary schools. 

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Nigerian Lawyer turned Media Personality, Ariyike Akinbobola releases ‘THE COST OF OUR LIVES’ her debut novella, a must read for anyone who is successful or everyone who has been through ups and downs in life and is still striving to make the best out of their lives. The interesting novella which has a fashion angle to it highlights some social issues like cyber bullying, sexual abuse, rape, human trafficking and fraudulent lifestyle. The book has a message for everyone who reads it most especially Africans in diaspora. 

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Nimi Akinkugbe, Money Matters with Nimi continues the discussion don’t let the wedding ruin your marriage. (See Part 1 here)

Who pays for what?

In the past, tradition was not financially kind to the bride’s family who was expected to cover most of the costs.Nowadays both families tend to play a role and the division of costs is largely dependent on each family’s financial standing and of the bride and groom themselves. It is less about tradition and protocol, but rather, about circumstances, common sense and who can afford what, that should dictate who pays for what. It is only when you know how much will be available that you can start to plan.

Attempting to split the bill between two families can be complicated so there must be absolutely clarity about how much each is willing and able to support. The couple and their families should meet and have a frank discussion about this. Early and frequent communication is key so that the families get a good sense of the couple’s desires and expectations. One must be sensitive as money conversations can be awkward; sometimes the family that is contributing more might feel entitled to more control.

You don’t want relationships to be strained even before the wedding. Do not feel bad if you are a parent of the bride and cannot afford to pay for the entire wedding. Very few people expect that anymore. Don’t be railroaded into wiping out your retirement savings just to keep up appearances. A wedding need not cost millions of naira.

For late in life marriages, as the couple might have been working for many years, they should be able to pay for their wedding expenses themselves even though family members might offer some assistance.

The “Bride Price” or “Dowry” is the monetary payment to the parents or guardians of a bride by the groom on account of marriage. The amount varies from one culture to another and there is no fixed amount on how much can or should be paid. It ranges from a token sum of a couple of two thousand, to millions of naira. The dowry can be a mix of monetary value and household items, food and livestock.Some families opt out of this tradition and waive the dowry altogether.

Don’t jeopardize your retirement plans

It is nice to always want to put your children first, but it is not necessarily always the best thing. You cannot afford to sacrifice your retirement to fund your children’s weddings. Whilst it might be nice to move in with your children in your twilight years, you do not want this to be because you are penniless. Your retirement planning, your emergency fund and medical insurance must be your priority, ahead of wedding plans.

Should you borrow?

It is never wise to begin a marriage carrying significant debt. Try to discourage your son or daughter should they be considering borrowing to finance their wedding; encourage them to mark the occasion with a modest ceremony and celebration. They can have a bigger party later. No one should go into mountains of debt just for one day.

Downsize

Consider inviting fewer guests. Today, couples are confidently inviting only those people who are most important to them. Simpler, scaled-down and more intimate weddings are becoming more popular. Destination weddings are one of the ways that couples have been able to reduce the numbers of guests and have a more manageable day.

Yewande Zaccheaus, CEO of Eventful Ltd, a leading event planning company in Nigeria says “Most of the weddings we organize range from 1,000 to 2,000 guests. Our African heritage of large circles of family and friends who simply must be invited to the event does make weddings extremely expensive. We now recommend a small engagement and a larger wedding or a large engagement and a small intimate wedding, as a practical way of reducing costs. It really is quite unnecessary to entertain the same 1,000 guests twice in the course of a few days. Many clients are catching unto this revelation and this helps to reduce their costs significantly. We keep telling our clients, there is life after the wedding day!”

A small wedding, by Nigerian standards, of say one hundred guests with an intimate reception in a nice restaurant will save you lots of money; yet this won’t even cover the cost of renting a hotel banquet hall. A weekday or off-season date as opposed to a December weekend will also be cheaper.

Shared costs

In many churches and wedding venues there might be more than one event holding on the same day. It is worth considering sharing some of the costs so that both parties can benefit from the splendid floral and other decor particularly if there is a relatively neutral colour scheme; beautiful flowers for a 10 am wedding can still be retained for a noon wedding the same day. Hold the marriage ceremony and reception at the same venue will also help to keep costs down.

“Get a little help from your friends”

You will find that there could be significant savings if you would just ask. In lieu of a gift, a relation might offer to host one of the ceremonies in their large garden, your talented friend might want to use this event to showcase photography, culinary, music or make up skills. A family member might provide the getaway car, and with the use of a vacation house and the gift of air miles you could have a wonderful honeymoon.

It is about the marriage and not the wedding

Research shows that financial concerns are one of the most common sources of tension in relationships and have some part in most divorces, yet most couples go into marriage without ever broaching this subject. It may not be romantic, but it is important. Don’t let the wedding ruin your marriage; remember it is about the marriage and not the wedding.

Nimi Akinkugbe has extensive experience in private wealth management. She seeks to empower people regarding their finances and offers frank, practical insights to create a greater awareness and understanding of personal finance.

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LagosMums Fashion Looks – Loving Orange

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Parenting: A Divine call, A Huge Assignment

As a child, I really thought that being a parent was all about having cute kids, going to the park, packing cute lunches and having fun all the way. When I thought of being a mother, what came to mind were cute dresses, cute children, fun, laughter and generally a stress-less existence. Years down the line, I realize that I could not have been more wrong. While cute dresses, cute kids, fun and laughter are definitely part of the equation, being a parent and a mother was a lot more than that.

No one told me about the discomfort of being pregnant, the pain that came from labour, the sleepless nights that came from having babies, the lifestyle change that comes from having children and Oh! The last part. No one told me that it was a full time job and you don’t stop till God calls you home. Years later, I’m older, wiser and grateful to the opportunity God has given me to be a mother.

I will never exchange this experience for anything else. The job of a parent is the most rewarding experience that I can ever think of and if you ask me, it is also one of the most important tasks on earth. You either get it right or you get it wrong and destinies depend on the outcome of your child.

I see parenting as a divine call and a huge assignment. God gave us our children as a gift to nurture and churn out to the world to make a better place. Look around you today, the world is made up of people who have either made a positive influence or a negative influence to the world at large. A large part of who people are comes from the kind of background they had. You are responsible for your child’s future. You will either raise a positive influence or a negative influence. The choice is yours. Your child will either contribute to the world or add to its problems. You will either raise a child that will change destinies for the better or someone that will be responsible for the downfall of many.

With this understanding, I have begun to do things a little more differently. I am no longer casual about a lot of things because I realise that I have an opportunity to make a difference in my home. I have become more sensitive, more prayerful and more involved. I have become more organised and more conscious of this great responsibility that I have been given. I have begun to make more adjustments with my time to be home more and committed myself to a lifetime to training and raising children that can change the world.

When I meet people, I can tell what type of backgrounds they had and how that has shaped their way of thinking and their approach to life? What kind of climate have you created for your children? Is it a climate that allows them flourish, grow, learn, be disciplined, have fun and be useful to society? Or is it one that encourages mediocrity, is lacking in love and has an entitlement mentality?

No one went to school to learn to be a parent. All of us have had to learn on the way. The good news is that it’s never too late to start. It’s never too late to make adjustments and what better time than the beginning of the year to do this?

Take a walk with me as I share the lessons I learnt along the way and also from other people about being a mother and raising children.

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Social Media Week comes to Lagos! Social Media Week Lagos (SMW Lagos) starts on Monday 23 February till Friday 27th February.

SMW Lagos is part of the larger Social Media Week global conference, now in it’s 7th year and hosted in 21 cities around the world.  The global theme for the February 2015 edition of Social Media Week is Upwardly Mobile: The Rise Of The Connected Class.  

Venue: #smwLagosCampus at Landmark Centre | 23rd February – 27th February | 9am to 8pm

Event Schedule: http://socialmediaweek.org/lagos/schedule/

To learn more about SMW Lagos 2015 and register to attend visit Social Media Week.  For the latest news and updates follow SMW Lagos on Twitter via @SMWLagos or on Facebook facebook.com/SMWLagos.

ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA WEEK

Social Media Week, powered globally by Microsoft, is a worldwide event exploring the social, cultural and economic impact of social media. Our mission is to help people and organizations connect through collaboration, learning and the sharing of ideas and information. www.socialmediaweek.org

www.afritickets.com

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On the 6^th of February 2015, Hasbro’s iconic Monopoly board game, celebrated its 80^th anniversary. For 8 decades, over a billion people in 114 countries and 37 different languages have passed “G0” and collected a salary. It is no surprise that this world famous board game has stood the test of time. Its distinct nature, in its unique design and in the values embedded in its core, make it a must have in every household across the globe.

It all started when Charles Darrow designed his first model of the board game in 1933 with materials from around his home. It was made of an oilcloth table cover. The houses and hotels were made of wooden molding scraps that he crafted by hand and typed the deeds and cards. The tokens he used were from his niece’s old bracelet, and they are still found on the game board today.

CEO Bestman Games, Nimi Akinkugbe said, ““Bestman Games is proud to be associated with the Monopoly brand. Monopoly is much more than a board game; it has several facets to it. With the support of the Lagos State Government and leading financial institutions including First Bank of Nigeria, GTBank, Zenith Bank, Stanbic IBTC, Mansard Insurance, and FSDH, we have been able to introduce the basics tenets of financial management to our youth and thousands of families across Nigeria to promote financial literacy and to and encourage personal financial responsibility from an early age. We are on an exciting mission to reinforce the importance of family values as families enjoy face-to-face interaction through our games.

Bestman Games is the African Distributor of customised editions of Monopoly for 48 African countries. In December 2012 the City of Lagos Edition, the first African city edition, was launched by His Excellency, the Executive Governor of Lagos State, Babatunde Raji Fashola. Subsequently, the Nigerian Centenary Edition was launched in Feb 2014.

Other exciting Nigerian state editions as well as other African editions will soon be rolled out in 2015. Bestman Games has hosted two annual Monopoly Inter-School Competitions, had its first Monopoly City of Lagos Bus Tour in November last year, and hosts regular Monopoly games nights on the last Thursday of each month with more exciting events on the way.

Contact Information for Bestman Games :

5, Babatunde Jose Street, Victoria Island, Eti Osa, Lagos, Nigeria.

info@bestmangames.com, sales@bestmangames.com

08036333667, 07059099587, 07087252946, 09092151816

http://bestmangames.com/

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YouTube is releasing a new app for children.

Google is launching a version for kids of YouTube that will feature appropriate content and controls. The app from Google Inc. ’s online video service will run on smartphones and tablets and is expected to feature original episodes of popular television shows for preschoolers such as “Thomas the Tank Engine” and “Sesame Street,” as well as content from the kid-safe channels already featured on YouTube.

The new app will filter out certain search terms on it, USA Today said in a report. If a child types in a word such as “sex,” a message prompts the kid to try something else, the report said.

The app will give parents control over how much time the child can spend on it. Parents will also have the ability to turn off search and sound. Channels and playlists will be organized into four categories: Shows, Music, Learning and Explore.

The app, called YouTube Kids, is expected to be free and will be separate from the mainstream YouTube mobile app. It will feature kid-friendly design, with big, bulbous icons and minimal scrolling, the person said.

PHOTO: GETTY IMAGES

The company is planning to announce the new app on Monday, when YouTube executive Malik Ducard is scheduled to give the keynote address at Kidscreen Summit, a conference for the children’s entertainment industry.

In launching an app aimed at children, Google will have had to comply with the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act, which is overseen by the Federal Trade Commission. Among other COPPA rules, websites that cater to children must notify parents if they collect personal information.

source: WSJ , PCWorld

Related articles across the web

• YouTube to launch a kid-friendly app

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One of a parents worst nanny nightmares is probably finding out that your nanny is abusing your baby or child. It is a universal problem as discussed on a recent ABCs 20/20 when a mother, Whitney Matney from Springdale, Arkansas discovered just this. Read on for some of the ways a parent can protect themselves and their children from this danger.

• Do an in-home trial. In addition to screening through interviews as well as employee references and background checks (these are necessary), it is essential to spend time observing her in the home prior to hiring. Remember, anyone can be great in an interview. During the trial, ask the nanny to do everything that will be required of her while you are out of the home. Observe her, leave, and pop back in unannounced. Have others drop by unannounced as well. If you have a video camera, monitor how the candidate is doing.
• State the obvious. Early on openly lay down the laws at the outset for what you expect and what you will not tolerate. For example, you might say, “We do not want you to ever raise your voice or hit our child”.
• Monitor. During the first few weeks, monitor your nanny.  If you do not have a camera, ask friends, family members or other babysitters to drop by unannounced often and regularly to see what is happening in the home.
• Look for a child’s change in behaviour. if your child displays a radical shift in behaviour, immediately investigate. There will be some natural time to get used to a new caregiver but you do not want to overlook any changes in behaviour which can affect your child negatively down the line.
• Create a work agreement up front. Your nanny’s main job is to care for your child. It is best to outline that cleaning or other household tasks should only be done when the child is sleeping. By creating a work agreement, you can talk through what is expected. 

There are many wonderful nannies out there and it is important to remember this, time to screen, monitor and communicate with a nanny can usually reduce the incidences of bad stories that one hears.

Read more from Yahoo Parenting

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Babies learn by exploring the things around them. Be a good teacher for your baby by showing your baby how to look at, listen to, touch or smell and generally explore her expanding world. Hold your baby so she (or he) can see things. Help her hold objects like her socks or a rattle. As she grows, give her safe objects to feel, shake or put into her mouth (make sure they are clean or like chicken drumsticks).

• Be your baby’s teacher. She (or he) will see how you react to things. When you get excited about a toy or object, she’ll get excited too. As she grows, show her how things work—for example, how doors open and close. Talk about what you are doing. For example, “I am putting the food in the pot to cook it.”  Talking to babies also encourages them to hear new words and sounds.
• When a baby is learning something new, it helps her to try it again and again. With your help and support this can be fun, and your baby will like trying new things. Encouragement is key in getting your baby to try new things.
• Protect your baby from unsafe situations. A baby doesn’t understand right from wrong. She doesn’t know what things are dangerous for her to do. Watch her to keep her safe. Remove her from situations where she can be hurt or injured.
• Talk and sing to your baby. Even before she is able to speak, this helps her develop language skills. Babies learn best when you talk to them constantly from a young age.
• Read to your baby from the earliest months of her life and continue this habit as she grows up. Children get their interest in reading from being introduced to it early from home, so read to your baby, you can also get her books that they can touch to feel different textures. Babies also love to hear the voice of their parents so reading to them is quite soothing.

Babies Have People Skills, Too

From the start, your baby is interested in your face. She notices your expressions and tone of voice. She reacts to your emotions. For example, when you say something in a soft and loving way, she will relax and feel more secure. In the same way when you are agitated or stressed your baby directly feels this as well.

Scientists have learned that babies show emotions as early as when they are one month old. Something else scientists have learned is that feeling good helps babies learn better. Why? Happy babies are more alert, attentive and responsive. Babies remember things better when they are happy and at ease. The way you hold and talk to your baby can help her feel happy.

Babies who are alert and feeling good are more likely to look at things, explore and play. They will pay attention more. Brief periods of distress or difficulty will occur and these will not harm or cause long-term damage to your child. However your baby communicates their feelings by crying so you should do something quickly to help her feel better. When her needs are met quickly and consistently she will learn you care about what she tries to tell you. Long periods of negative emotion, like crying can be harmful and add to a babies anxiety when she doesn’t feel secure that her needs will be cared for.

In the first month, the negative emotion that occurs is distress or a response to pain. Later, she will show sadness and anger. Next comes fear. All people have these emotions to protect themselves. Help your baby be at ease with having emotions. Respond to her emotions in a warm and loving way.

You can tell what your baby is feeling by changes in her facial expression. You can also see what she is feeling by her posture, movements and the sounds she makes.

Learning to Communicate

It will be months before your baby says her first word. But babies start learning about language much earlier.

Even in the first few weeks after birth, your baby is learning about language. Very young babies can tell the difference between speech and other sounds. They can tell the difference between the voices of men and the voices of women. They even know the voices of their own mothers. A baby can tell the voice of her mother from the voices of other women. Researchers think babies are able to do this because of the way specific parts of their brains work.

Babies can also communicate long before they speak. They use movements and sounds to let you know what they want or don’t want. Some people refer to these as a baby’s “signals”.

Right now, your baby can tell you if she needs something by fussing or crying. She can also let you know when she likes something or someone by looking intently. Babies learn best how to tell parents what they like or don’t like when they begin to see that parents respond to them in positive ways.

Even before she can speak, you need to talk to your baby. Even though there are differences among individuals, babies whose parents talk to them talk sooner. They also have larger vocabularies. Talking to babies gives them language skills that will help them learn more easily when they get to school. Hearing words on the radio or TV is not very helpful to babies learning language. Your baby benefits from having you up close smiling, talking and singing.

Babies Cry for Lots of Reasons

Crying is the way newborns communicate. Your new baby cries to let you know she needs or wants something.

The first thing to try when she cries is to feed her. By noticing when she wants to be fed and when she doesn’t, you will learn which cries mean that she is hungry, uncomfortable or wants attention. Sometimes she will want to be held. Sometimes she wants a dry diaper. Sometimes she is tired or bored.

As you and your baby get to know each other, you will sometimes be able to tell the difference between each kind of crying. You can then try to give her what she needs.

Taking care of your baby when she cries will not spoil her. It will help your baby feel loved and secure.

Smile, touch and talk to your baby as often as possible. Do this when you feed her, change her diaper or give her a bath. Your baby will learn that she can rely on you to take care of her.

Ways to Soothe Your Baby

Sometimes babies cry even when they have been fed, have clean diapers and are healthy. If your baby is crying because she needs comfort, there are many things you can do. Every baby is different.

Here are things you can try to find out what calms your baby down.

• Rock your baby in your arms or while sitting in a rocking chair.
• Stroke your baby’s head very gently, or lightly pat her back or chest.
• Make soft noises to let your baby know you are there and you care.
• Talk to your baby.
• Softly sing to your baby or play soft music.
• Wrap her up in a baby blanket (but not too tightly).

If your baby keeps crying after you have tried everything, stay calm. Babies know when you are upset. No matter how stressed you are, never shake your baby. Shaking your baby can cause blindness, brain damage or even death.

If you need a break, call a relative, neighbor or friend to help. All babies cry. You will not be able to comfort your baby every time. That does not mean you are a bad parent. Do the best you can to soothe and comfort your baby.

Here’s a simple tip to help your baby cry less—carry her. Research shows that babies who are carried more often don’t cry as much as other babies.

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