• Nurse Frequently – The best thing you can do is nurse your baby as often and as much as he likes. The more your baby feeds, the more milk your body will produce in order to keep up with him. Most lactation experts agree that it is better to nurse on an as needed basis rather than following a rigorous feeding schedule.
• Drink Plenty of Fluids – Ensure you are taking in your eight glasses of water per day. While you probably do not need to take in an excess of fluids, you definitely need to drink to your thirst and maintain the adequate amount of water in your body. If you are dehydrated, your body will not produce the right amount of milk for your baby.
• Eat Enough (Healthy) Calories – Eat at least 1800 calories per day and make sure you are meeting all your own nutritional requirements. Your body needs energy to produce milk, not to mention to do all the other tasks required of a new mom.
• Feed from Both Breasts – Let your baby empty your breast entirely, then switch her over to the other breast. Having her feed from both sides will increase your supply. The next time you nurse, start with the side you used last.
• Massage Your Breast as You Nurse – If you see your baby is sucking but not actually drinking milk, use breast compressions. Squeeze and massage your breast gently by grasping it at the top with your thumb and bottom with the other fingers. This will quickly dispense more milk and release the hind milk.
• Check Your Technique – The most common cause of low milk supply is that your baby is not properly latching on. Getting the latch down can be the most difficult thing to do when starting out with breastfeeding, but once you and your baby have it mastered, it is usually smooth sailing from there on out. For a good latch, the areola must be far enough in your baby’s mouth for him to release the milk. To get it in deep enough, touch the breast to your baby’s lips and then pull it back until your baby’s mouth is wide open. Pull your baby in close and he should now latch on deeply. Some ways to tell if your baby is latched on correctly are that you can see the pink of your baby’s lips, your baby’s ears are wiggling, you hear him swallowing and his cheeks are not being sucked in too deeply as he drinks.
• Use a Pump – Pumping between feedings is a definite way to increase your milk supply. The most effective way to do this is to keep pumping until about five minutes after the breast has been emptied. This way you are sending a signal to your body that you need more next time. That being said, any extra pumping is still going to help to increase your supply.
• Don’t Supplement – In the early weeks bottles can cause nipple confusion, which can stop your baby from properly latching on when you breastfeed him again. Also, because the milk comes out so much faster from a bottle and a bottle is easier to suck from, your baby will be less hungry and less likely to work as hard for his milk when you return him to the breast.
• Don’t Stress – Try not to worry about your milk supply. The more relaxed and comfortable both Mom and baby are, the easier nursing will be. Ultimately, breastfeeding should provide a bonding experience for you and your little one. If you are stressed rather than relaxed, it could inhibit the let-down of your milk and your baby may find it hard to get comfortable and feed.
• Take a Nursing Vacation – New moms struggling to produce enough milk are sometimes advised to take a “nursing vacation” to increase milk supply and get into the groove of nursing. This entails staying in bed all day with your baby (which many new moms need anyway) and just nursing on demand for two to three days. Not only will you and your baby bond and get into a rhythm, but you will also get the rest you need so that your body can operate most efficiently.

source: newborncare

From the department of the hopefully obvious: a study that tracked teenagers over time has found that yelling at younger teens makes things worse as they get older.

If you have teenaged kids, the urge to shout at them can be pretty strong at times. A study from researchers at the University of Pittsburgh and the University of Michigan, published in the journal Child Development, suggests that you’re better off biting your tongue.

The researchers looked at the kind of yelling they call “harsh verbal discipline”, which is anything that tries to get teens to change their behaviour by yelling, using insults and humiliation. Essentially, if it causes teens emotional pain or discomfort – calling them dumb or lazy, for example – it’s harsh verbal discipline.

But when you yell at your kids, especially in their early teens, it can cause more problems than it solves. Kids who received harsh verbal discipline suffered more depressive symptoms between ages 13 and 14 and they were more likely to misbehave at school, lie to their parents, steal or fight. Not only that, but it makes kids more likely to feel angry, irritable and belligerant, according to the researchers.

The effects went both ways: kids who had conduct problems at a younger age got yelled at more by their parents as they got older.

The researchers were quick to point out that even in homes where there’s lots of parental warmth, the effects showed just as strongly. It’s not true, in other words, that if you’re otherwise loving and supportive, your kids will understand that you’re yelling at them because you love them. They’ll just feel the sting of the hurt and humiliation.

“Harsh verbal discipline appears to be detrimental in all circumstances,” concluded the lead researcher, Min-te Wang.

Wang suggests that parents who want to modify their teenage children’s behavior would do better discussing concerns about the consequences of the behaviour with their teenagers.

Lifehacker’s previous articles about how to talk to kids are also useful here: empathise with your teens and get them to analyse their own behaviour.

As the children are back in school for a new school year there is a sense of accomplishment and maturity. The children are excited and busy making new friends, finding out the new rules and expectations that go with their new class or school. There is an air of expectation for the year ahead and happiness at reuniting with friends from the long summer break.

I find the newness of a new school year almost as potent as a New Year. I ran into a mum on the first day of school who mentioned she feels she should be saying “Happy New Year”.

On the side of the parents, the start of a new school year after the summer entails adjusting to the children’s needs for school, getting used to waking up early, if you are a working mum it is even a little bit more hectic as you also have to get ready for work yourself.

As a mum you are managing showering, dressing up, eating breakfast, praying, packing the school lunches, making sure homework has been completed and signed. You will be getting used to the new school calendar as well and new days for physical activity or swimming. Children will most likely start their extracurricular lessons and or extra subject lessons. A lot to juggle.

I find that this New School year is a good time for we mums to challenge ourselves and not let the feeling of newness pass us by. As school commences the kids are out of the house on their new journey. We should keep it in mind that year in year out this happens until one day the kids are all grown and left the house. We should be planning ahead for this time in our lives when children have becomes adults and no longer under our direct care, the same way we are advised to and better be planning and saving for retirement.

Set some new goals for yourself. This could be any goal you want to set and should be targeted towards your particular stage in life. If you are a working or stay at home mum it doesn’t matter set a goal, any goal. There are several things to do, it could be learning a new language, picking up a hobby, turning a hobby into a source of income, growing spiritually. I think the trick to this is to make the goal simple and doable to ensure a sense of achievement.

Learn something new. There is always something new you can learn. It is important that we continue to challenge ourselves. We get to meet people and expand our views with every new activity that we undertake. Don’t let the last time you learnt something new be when you were in school yourself.

Commit to spend more quality time with the children. It is not only about the quantity of time you spend with the children but the quality of the time spent. It is a good idea to plan uninterrupted time with your children and make it a date that both you and the children look forward to. Pencil it into your diary the way you would an important meeting. It will be a special mum and child bonding time away from any distractions (such as the blackberry or ipad).

Change things that are not working for you. Is there something you don’t like currently in your life that you have the power to change? You don’t have to be left out of the season of newness. Are you in a rut that you know needs to end? Is it a job you are not particularly happy in? then actively make it a goal to explore new opportunities. Is it a few pounds that you must get rid of? then make a plan to change the way you eat and or exercise to achieve your desired outcome. You should commit to changing your situation now.

The bottom line is that as mums we must always be reinventing ourselves, being a mum is the best job in the world. Our children are growing and changing, their demands on our time also change as they get older and more independent. As mums we should not forget to keep improving ourselves such that we are not left behind in all the changes happening in our homes and families. We would not want to get to retirement stage and have no improved skills, hobbies or interests we have developed outside of our roles as mums.

I was watching Supernanny today and the famous tough all knowing nanny was spending time with a family trying to equip the parents with tips and techniques to be more effective parents.

The part I caught showed the nanny teaching the mother how to ensure that her four year old daughter slept in her own room in her own bed through the night.

The nanny was coaching the mother to apply tough love which included speaking firmly and insisting that her daughter returns and sleeps in her own bed, refusing to get her an alternative blanket and requesting that the daughter goes to the “calm corner” aka naught corner (at 4am in the morning) for not obeying the going to bed and staying in bed till the morning rule.

Of course there was a lot of crying and the technique did come across as a bit harsh. I still have toddlers who come into my room now and then and I am not sure I can be as tough as the nanny was recommending.  Anyways by the morning at wakeup time the little girl had done what her mum thought was un-doable she had slept in her own bed. The nanny used this to explain to he mum that the girl at 4 is old enough and capable enough to spend the night in her own bed.

While I was having an Aha moment thinking that we need to just learn to be firmer with our children, I noticed that the dialogue continued and it showed the mum quite upset as she and the nanny discussed the success of getting the little girl to sleep through the night and the other independent actions of the other children.

The mum was surprisingly quite upset and not as happy as I would have imagined considering the positive behaviours in her children.  She eventually confessed that she was worried that the children getting all grown up and independent would not need her anymore! Bahm! The mum was worried and scared that she would not be needed by her children as they got more independent. Weird reaction or somewhat normal?

Of course the nanny counselled her and told her that the children will always need her, having needy children is not the only measure that a mother is necessary. The nanny went on to mention that the style of the mother is so instrumental to having children grow up to be independent (at the right time).

It got me thinking that how many mums and parents knowingly or unknowingly encourage neediness in children because it makes us feel more secure in our roles as mums/parents and gives us a comfort that our children need us?

Encouraging children to be needy in ways that are not appropriate per age or stage of the child is not showing love but actually smothering the child’s development.

We should all think about this! If your child can change his or her clothes perfectly well, why do we still say “let me change for you?”, do we still shower or ask a nanny to shower for a child who is old enough to hold a sponge and bathe his or herself? It has made me rethink things I do for my children.There are many facets to being a mum and keeping our children needy (knowingly or unknowingly) is not the way to insure motherhood.

This is to the start of a more independent week! Let us encourage our children to be independent according to their age and stage.

photo source: babble.com

Could you decipher it? 
Do you understand the language young people “speak”, the “friends” they make, who they “follow” and who literally “follows” them? Are you living with social media or a social menace?

From sexting and cyber bullying to  cyberstalking and trolling, several dangers lurk in the exciting, albeit educational world of the internet and your children often unwittingly expose themselves, you, your family or even your business to some things you may love, and several things you will loathe! 

So how can we help them manoeuvre safely in the faceless digital world called Cyberspace? 
It could be on Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, Instagram, YouTube and much more. This can be a murky playing field, and its evolving; it’s here to stay and it certainly requires our collective attention.”

Ø  DATE - Friday 27th September, 2013,
Ø  VENUE - Radisson Blu Hotel, Ozumba Mbadiwe Street, Victoria Island. 
Ø  TIME – 6pm – 9pm
Ø  SPECIAL GUEST - Adebiyi Fatai Mabadeje, Lagos State Hon. Commissioner for Science & Technology
Ø  GUEST SPEAKER  - Mike Saunders, CEO Digitlab South Africa. 
Ø  PANELIST: - Aduke Gomez (A parent who is also Chairperson, Lagos  State Children’s Carnival and SSA to Lagos State Government On Tourism) 
- Wunmi Ogunbiyi  (A parent who is also GM, Zenith Bank Plc and a digital tech buff)        
-  Chukwuemeka Fred Agbata Jnr. “CFA” – (A  parent who is also CEO,   CFA Leverage, a digital media and ICT consulting company)

WHAT IS CULTURE?

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines culture as “the beliefs, customs, arts, etc., of a particular society, group, place or time. A particular society that has its own beliefs, ways of life, art, etc., a way of thinking, behaving or working that exists in a place or organisation”.

Working culture dictates whether an organisation is inspiring or not. People tend to stay longer in a company that has a great working culture. This includes great principles, values, openness and fairness. Closer to home, family culture plays the same role in creating a great family. Have you ever encountered a happy family who just seems to click with one another? You feel inspired just looking at how they interact. Everything is so positive and happy.

What is their secret? The answer lies in the family culture. In their online articles entitled Fathering With Intentionality: The Importance Of Creating A Family Culture, bloggers Brett and Kate McKay wrote that family culture starts with family values, which then become the norms and, in the long term, become the family rituals and traditions.

VALUES AND PRINCIPLES

Values and principles can be both positive or otherwise. As with other things, “creating” negative values is easy. We just don’t have to do anything except let our emotions rule the day. We don’t need to create any rules or live by any principle. Some examples of negative values are anger, resentment, bad-mouthing others, blaming and also sense of entitlement. If left unchecked, these values become the norm.

On the contrary, creating positive values is hard work. They don’t just happen. They require effort, constant enforcement, passion and patience from both parents to teach the right from the wrong. When problems arise, parents with positive values don’t quickly jump to conclusion or follow their emotions. They remain positive and stick to their values as their guiding principles when solving family conflicts.

NORMS

Once values and principles are in place, these will become the family norms and basic rules to live by. Much like a peaceful and advanced culture, these go a long way towards creating a peaceful and harmonious family. Children, no matter how good they are, will misbehave. When they do, parents would be able to refer to the family’s norms or rules rather than their emotions.

Otherwise, chaos will prevail, much like an organisation or country without rules. On top of that, mediocrity will seep in, causing further stress and damages.

RITUALS AND TRADITIONS

Last but not least, according to Brett, a family with great culture has many good rituals and traditions. These include “family reunions, special activities around holidays” such as “family dinners and game nights”. They should also include religious rituals which are best performed together as a family.

In conclusion, organisations have proved that to remain great and attractive, they must have great company culture. Businesses, countries and even family units will benefit if they can practise this culture. Start by creating and living positive values and principles on a daily basis. Remain strong and consistent in the face of daily challenges. Use them as guiding rules which will soon become the norms. In addition, create positive rituals and traditions.

Before you know it, your family will be brimming with positive cultures. Like employees in established multinational corporations, your family members will find the home to be a great and inspiring place.

Source: nst.com

1. understanding
2. empathy
3. respect

See the table below for a table summarising the differences between gentle and mainstream parenting – which are you? is there a difference?

source: sarahockwellsmith

This is a post about changes in parenting from a mums viewpoint

1. When I held a child, I looked into his face or at what I was doing with him.

Had the iPhone been invented and if technology had allowed me to, I would have certainly checked emails and texted friends, often ignoring the child at hand. Every time I see a young mom with toddler in one hand, gazing at her cell phone in the other, I want to rush over and remind her that everything that child is learning about human interaction she is teaching him right then and there.

2. There were very few parenting blogs.

The Motherlode at the New York Times was still five years away. HuffPost Parents was not even a glint in Arianna’s eye. Without bloggers, I did not have access to the wealth of parenting information, camaraderie and conversation that exists today. On the other hand, I had far less with which to compare myself and feed my insecurities.

3. Ten years ago, we were a less accepting nation.

Gender identity was more mired in tradition. Guys were dads, we were moms. Now, men and women occupy roles that better suit them, in the home and the workplace. The manifold ways in which adults become partners and create families is a greater expression of truth than at any other time. I am glad that my kids came of age in a world that has an ever evolving definition of “family.”

4. I thought I was a pushy soccer mom letting my sons join U8 travel teams.

I knew that sports would play a big role in our family, although the way it devoured our weekends and contorted our lives was truly a shock. Now, I see that there is U6 soccer.

5. World War III regularly broke out at my dinner table.

My kids would take sides in an argument about a sporting statistic or historical fact and never let it drop. The arguments would not end until later, when someone looked in a book or turned on their computer. Now, the minute rumblings can be heard, my husband gives them each a look and says, “Google it!” Cell phones have meant they can no longer argue about matters of fact.

6. To buy music, my children had to ask me for my credit card.

I was aware of all purchases made by my kids. Now, my Amazon 1-click and iTunes accounts are now the source of constant surprises.

7. I took pictures of my kids — when I remembered the camera.

The movie camera? Forget about it. My cell phone means that their teen and tween years were better documented than those cute younger days.

8. My husband and I had an electronics-free bedroom.

There was no TV, no VCR, no still-to-be-invented digital devices where we slept. The child snuggled in our bed, faced our sleeping backs or our exhausted faces, but they never looked at us looking at something else.

9. Flying with kids required a huge amount of preparation.

Toys and amusements needed to be procured, and coloring books, stickers and Legos packed. Looking back, I would have given anything, at times absolutely anything, for an iPad.

10. A decade ago, I thought that I had to speak to my children to speak to my children.

Now, I will use any method to talk to them including texting, Facebook messaging, tweeting and, in desperation, emailing. Don’t judge me, next I am considering Snapchat and Instagram as a way of reaching my offspring.

source: Huffingtonpost

So the other day I was in the car with the kids as we were on the way to the dentist when the older one asked me why Lagos is so dirty? She mentioned a few other places in her opinion that were not dirty and asked again so why is Lagos so dirty? I asked her why she thought so and she pointed various streets as we passed by and also pointed to several unpainted walls and repeated that yes, Lagos is very dirty.

She went on to say that she guesses she should not care and that is just the way it is, Lagos is dirty. Her younger one answered that he would like to change the face of Lagos and he will be in charge of making sure that Lagos is painted everywhere!

Many times I love the simplicity of parenting moments and the unpredictability of teachable moments. This was quite a parenting moment as I was faced with a question and also conclusions they were making. Here I had one child wanting to resort to the dirtiness of Lagos as just the way it is and deciding it best not to care and the other more optimistic one claiming to make a change and beautify Lagos.

I didn’t know how to answer because I really did and do not know the answer. Why is Lagos so dirty really? How do you make sure that your children do not get used to things in bad condition, how do we continue to ensure that we raise the standards of our children and not say it is okay for a place to be dirty and filthy? 

It is indeed a bigger question for everyone, our children here are continuously exposed to things that do not work, dirty places, unkempt buildings and the general picture of non-maintenance that if unchecked can encourage them to grow up to imbibe a non-caring attitude to their environment.

We must ensure and encourage our children to fall into the half who will not shrug or lower their standards but instead strive to make a change. Indeed if children are exposed to a certain thing they are likely to accept that as normal. We don’t want to raise children who think dirt and not caring for their environment is normal and the status quo.

So to ensure mine do not pick up the attitude that dirty and unkempt surroundings is the way to live I will ensure that

1)   They always pickup after themselves

2)   They do not throw trash outside the window or onto the floor and only use trash bins

3)   Show them pictures and visit places that are clean and well kept

4)   Talk about cleanliness and the benefits

5)   Keep our environments home and street clean, ensure that the gutters by my house are cleaned

6)   Volunteer to paint and beautify a shelter or a home for abandoned children

7)   Make sure that they have chores that make them care for their surroundings

8)   Train all domestic staff to have high standards of cleanliness

While our environment might not be as clean as we would like, we can ensure as parents and care gives that the children under our care do no accept that dirtiness and low standards is acceptable.

photo source: nairaland

Àsà (meaning culture in Yoruba) is a brand that includes a collection of mobile applications that run on Smartphones (iPhones, Samsung S Series etc) and tablets (iPads, Samsung Galaxy Tabs, BlackBerry Playbook etc). These apps come enhanced with features as games, colourful illustrations, voice, sound and animation, all packaged within cultural contexts to appeal to kids aged 2-12 years.

Once upon this time, children would sit again around the digital story teller to hear the same old folktales once told and retold by our forefathers. Or, in Àsà’s Language Series, follow the cultural evangelists on their journeys to get kids acquainted with our rich languages.

Àsà’s audience has gone beyond the 12 year olds — parents are in love with this digital storyteller, young adults don’t mind being told stories or taught languages in a new exciting, colourful way. Who would?

Here are some Àsà testimonies from parents:

“Thanks. Yes I got the Yoruba101 app for my son and daughter. They absolutely love it”. – Nigeria Customer

“My daughter is doing well! She loves playing the word games & is forever nodding her head to the background music of the app” – UK Customer

“My daughter and I have just read ‘The Lazy Chicken’ app; nice story”!

“Wow! This is one of the best things to happen to my iPad… Heard of this story (Oluronbi) since my childhood but it’s the first time I’ll be listening to the story for real in more than 30 yrs. I so love this, Thank you!” – US Customer

And that’s not all…

Àsà’s Oluronbi iPad app has been given an impressive review by a foremost book review site, Kirkus Reviews.

“The illustrations are cleanly drawn, depicting Nigerian figures in brightly patterned dress and village settings. They are brightened up both by a chorus that sings a song to the Iroko Spirit in one scene but can be heard in the background throughout and by a particularly lively, accented narrator”. - Excerpts, Kirkus

So far, Àsà has in its growing collection of apps the following Android, BlackBerry and iOS apps.

Yoruba101 – An interactive Yoruba language teaching app, Yoruba101 involves a virtual recreation of a classroom complete with a cultural teacher (Oluko Àsà) who takes the kids through topics like Alphabets, Words and Sentence formations. It also includes games to help the kids test their acquired knowledge. It features animations, colourful illustrations, voice, sound and text.

Download Yoruba101 now to your iPAD; iPHONE; ANDROID phones/ tablets; BLACKBERRY Z10/Playbook

Igbo101 – An interactive Igbo language teaching app, Igbo101 involves a virtual recreation of a classroom complete with a cultural teacher (Onye nkuzi Àsà) who takes the kids through topics like Alphabets, Words and Sentence formations. It also includes games to help the kids test their acquired knowledge. Other features include animations, colourful illustrations, voice, sound and text.

Download Igbo101 now to your iPAD; iPHONE; ANDROID phones/ tablets

aHausa – aHausa is an interactive Hausa language teaching app. Modules taught include Alphabets, Numbers, Body Parts, Animals and Greetings. It uses a combination of sounds, voice, text, colorful graphics and animation to get the user acquainted with the language.

Download aHausa now to your ANDROID phones/ tablets, BLACKBERRY Z10

Oluronbi – Oluronbi is a popular West-African folktale about a pretty young lady that has everything going for her except a child. With her sadness about to be broken, thanks to the kind-hearted Iroko Spirit, Oluronbi’s desperation and attitude are put to test. This is a story of trust and attitude with cultural and moral lessons for its audience. The app has features as different reading modes, games, interactive elements for cultural tips and the popular folksong etc.

Download Oluronbi now to your iPAD; iPHONE; ANDROID phones/ tablets; BLACKBERRY Z10/Playbook

The Lazy Chicken – The lazy chicken is a story that teaches kids against laziness, chronicling the events that led to why Chickens are used for sacrificial offerings in some African cultures. Its features include different reading modes, games and interactive cultural tips.

Download The Lazy Chicken now to your iPAD; iPHONE; ANDROID phones/ tablets; BLACKBERRY Z10/Playbook

The Monkeys’ Quest – This folk-tale takes readers through a story involving monkeys and how they came about their look. It includes folk-songs, games amongst other features.

Download The Monkeys’ Quest now to your iPAD; iPHONE; ANDROID phones/ tablets; BLACKBERRY Z10/Playbook

More of Àsà apps can be found on http://www.geniigames.com/apps.html

Going forward, Àsà’s development efforts are geared towards releasing more culturally oriented apps across board to cater for our diverse and rich cultures.

With the new Àsà, brought to you by Genii Games (http://www.geniigames.com), we can confidently say that our age long morals, native tongues, etiquette, fables and other treasured cultural elements will not die.

About Genii Games

Genii Games is a proudly Nigerian company and the parent entity of the Àsà brand. It is a company with a vision to preserve and promote our Rich African Culture using technology. Its mission is to stimulate the interest of kids aged 2-12 years in subjects relating to our indigenous African culture.

Its Àsà brand has been recognized as a tool for the future Nigeria by “The Future Awards”.

“Yoruba 101 is a fun way for the children to learn yoruba words and sounds and the the other apps like The Monkeys’ Quest are a great way to share stories we heard as children”. LagosMums review

We have all probably heard about the performance and twerking of Miley Cyrus at the awards show. There has been such an outcry from her behaviour and the transformation from her previous disney character. Most of the comments i have heard have been negative. What happened to the wholesome picture of this girl in Disney to this person she is now? I feel for her as she is clearly a victim of something (which could be a combination of both herself and whoever her handlers are) by allowing herself to become this to be accepted?

Apart from making the casual comment that it is a shame she is going this route i haven’t said or discussed much about this “transformation”. I do admit to getting rid of most Hannah Montana material from my home so that my child who has in the past liked the character doesn’t continue to like her and somehow think this transformation is acceptable as the next step.

Recently i came across an open letter that Sinead O’ Connor wrote to Miley largely in response to Miley’s comment that she was inspired by Sinead. I like the message of the letter that warns young women from the allure of turning into sexual creatures all in the name of being accepted. See text of letter below.

Dear Miley,

I wasn’t going to write this letter, but today i’ve been dodging phone calls from various newspapers who wished me to remark upon your having said in Rolling Stone your Wrecking Ball video was designed to be similar to the one for Nothing Compares … So this is what I need to say … And it is said in the spirit of motherliness and with love.

I am extremely concerned for you that those around you have led you to believe, or encouraged you in your own belief, that it is in any way ‘cool’ to be naked and licking sledgehammers in your videos. It is in fact the case that you will obscure your talent by allowing yourself to be pimped, whether its the music business or yourself doing the pimping.

Nothing but harm will come in the long run, from allowing yourself to be exploited, and it is absolutely NOT in ANY way an empowerment of yourself or any other young women, for you to send across the message that you are to be valued (even by you) more for your sexual appeal than your obvious talent. I am happy to hear I am somewhat of a role model for you and I hope that because of that you will pay close attention to what I am telling you.

The music business doesn’t give a shit about you, or any of us. They will prostitute you for all you are worth, and cleverly make you think its what YOU wanted … and when you end up in rehab as a result of being prostituted, ‘they’ will be sunning themselves on their yachts in Antigua, which they bought by selling your body and you will find yourself very alone.

None of the men ogling you give a shit about you either, do not be fooled. Many’s the woman mistook lust for love. If they want you sexually that doesn’t mean they give a …. about you. All the more true when you unwittingly give the impression you don’t give much of a …. about yourself. And when you employ people who give the impression they don’t give much of a …. about you either. No one who cares about you could support your being pimped … and that includes you yourself.

Yes, I’m suggesting you don’t care for yourself. That has to change. You ought be protected as a precious young lady by anyone in your employ and anyone around you, including you. This is a dangerous world. We don’t encourage our daughters to walk around naked in it because it makes them prey for animals and less than animals, a distressing majority of whom work in the music industry and it’s associated media.

You are worth more than your body or your sexual appeal. The world of showbiz doesn’t see things that way, they like things to be seen the other way, whether they are magazines who want you on their cover, or whatever … Don’t be under any illusions … ALL of them want you because they’re making money off your youth and your beauty … which they could not do except for the fact your youth makes you blind to the evils of show business. If you have an innocent heart you can’t recognise those who do not.

I repeat, you have enough talent that you don’t need to let the music business make a prostitute of you. You shouldn’t let them make a fool of you either. Don’t think for a moment that any of them give a flying …. about you. They’re there for the money… we’re there for the music. It has always been that way and it will always be that way. The sooner a young lady gets to know that, the sooner she can be REALLY in control.

You also said in Rolling Stone that your look is based on mine. The look I chose, I chose on purpose at a time when my record company were encouraging me to do what you have done. I felt I would rather be judged on my talent and not my looks. I am happy that I made that choice, not least because I do not find myself on the proverbial rag heap now that I am almost 47 yrs of age … which unfortunately many female artists who have based their image around their sexuality, end up on when they reach middle age.

Real empowerment of yourself as a woman would be to in future refuse to exploit your body or your sexuality in order for men to make money from you. I needn’t even ask the question … I’ve been in the business long enough to know that men are making more money than you are from you getting naked. Its really not at all cool. And its sending dangerous signals to other young women. Please in future say no when you are asked to prostitute yourself. Your body is for you and your boyfriend. It isn’t for every spunk-spewing dirtbag on the net, or every greedy record company executive to buy his mistresses diamonds with.

As for the shedding of the Hannah Montana image … whoever is telling you getting naked is the way to do that does absolutely NOT respect your talent, or you as a young lady. Your records are good enough for you not to need any shedding of Hannah Montana. She’s waaaaaaay gone by now … Not because you got naked but because you make great records.

Whether we like it or not, us females in the industry are role models and as such we have to be extremely careful what messages we send to other women. The message you keep sending is that its somehow cool to be prostituted … its so not cool Miley … its dangerous. Women are to be valued for so much more than their sexuality. We aren’t merely objects of desire. I would be encouraging you to send healthier messages to your peers … that they and you are worth more than what is currently going on in your career. Kindly fire any …… who hasn’t expressed alarm, because they don’t care about you.

Letter source: theguardian

Reposting from RomanceMeetsLife, written by Yetty Williams

There are very few times in life when someone will say to another person “Ah… ah, you didn’t tell me!” with a real look of semi-betrayal and wonder at the fact that they were left to figure this out themselves.

You see, when studying for a big exam you will have a syllabus, past examination questions for practice, a tutor who can teach you right from wrong, and even strategies like spending less time on question types you don’t typically do well on.

When you get a job, there is a general overview on your new responsibilities, and a good Human resources Department will welcome you with a manual that tells you about the company’s’ rules and expectations. You will most likely have a manager and maybe even go through training before you start actual work. You might be part of a team and will have the chance to get reviewed regularly to get feedback on how you are doing. Most ideal job places are free of emotion and preferential treatment (at least in-your-face preferential treatment).

These two big milestones in a person’s life, graduating from University (where you were guided through coursework and obtained a degree) and landing your first job (where once again you got the necessary support and feedback) are often followed or accompanied by marriage.

And it is in usually only in marriage that will get one person to say to another, or mother, or aunty, or father, or friend, that “ah… ah, you didn’t tell me!”.

Marriage is the opposite of all the other things in life that come with a manual or syllabus or general expectations of what to expect and a general plan to master these things. Marriage, by default of what it is – two different people becoming one – is almost impossible to master from the get go or at all. 

So, unlike school and work where in general your effort results in good grades or compensation, in marriage you are dealing with a person who comes with no manuals and surprisingly your efforts do not always yield the results you expect. Even if you totally got the person you were dating, almost always, the occurrence of a wedding, and the marriage that follows, changes both of you!

I know I noticed the difference myself when I got married and in the long time since then, it is very common for me to see a beautiful bride, who I last saw smiling and dancing at her wedding, give me that sideways glance and comment ‘ah… ah you didn’t tell me!”

What that means is that I didn’t tell her what marriage would be like. The truth is you cannot tell anyone or fully prepare anyone for marriage. As a dear aunt of mine says, marriage is a school from where you never graduate! And isn’t that the truth? You never graduate from marriage, you never finish, you never have him or her or marriage itself all figured out.

Seasons and times change people, the demands of having to be a husband or wife comes with change, learning to compromise, communicate, think about someone else all the time (not some of the time), discussing finances, plans for the future, dealing with in-laws and a whole set of your spouses contacts including, friends, acquaintances, colleagues, Pastor, Church family and more. Never mind in all of this you are also figuring out who you are in your new life.

For the women, you have a new title as M.R.S. and with it comes some Massive.Real .Shifts. You are a wife now, the manager of your home, you are meant to be submissive (and all the misinterpretations that comes with this), the creator of a loving environment for your husband, the majority owner of domestic work, preparer of meals, the vessel that must get ready for childbirth and child rearing…all the while still being you and dealing with parts and demands of the life you had before getting married.

Being baffled in the early years of marriage will happen and continue to happen because there is no way to be prepared for it all no matter how much you are warned by others. The truth is that if we spend too much time ‘warning and preparing”, it might end up with men and women who are too scared and nervous to try it out.

Marriage with all the work and changes you will face is still a beautiful thing and what God ordained.
So to all my fellow married people who have now crossed over the “ah… ah didn’t tell me!” side and to all the those who will comment after marriage that “ah… ah you didn’t tell me!”, the truth is it is not possible to ever truly tell it all before you jump in! 

God Bless Marriages.

“Marriage is honorable in all” Heb 13:4

Having a budget is something that is personal to you and your circumstances. To make an effective budget plan, be honest with yourself and make a note of what’s coming in and what’s going out each month. Knowing exactly where your money goes allows you know what exactly you have to spend  after taking care of your bills and other necessities. That way, you will become more cautious of impulsive  spending.

• Your Income – to draw up a plan, you will need to list all the money that comes into your household each month.
• Your Outgoings – Write down all your household’s basic living expenses . You should only write your regular financial commitments such as electricity, water, telephone/ recharge card, security, rent (you take the rent you pay per year and divide that by 12 months), Tithe etc.
• What you owe – you would need to work out how much you owe your creditors. Enter a total for all your personal loan, car  loan, credit debts.
• What you would like to save – Enter an amount that you would like to save each month. You work so hard that you deserve to pay yourself something. Think of your savings/ investment as ‘your money working for you whilst you work for another’.
• One you have all of your income and outings (including debts and savings)  you can see what is left over to spend.

After determining A and B, next step includes

• Whats left after calculating outgoings (expenses) from income? A – B
• Determine how much would you like to save/use to pay off debts?
• Final step after these is to calculate how much is left for spending.

Forming the right habits

• Open another account, a bills account, where you set aside enough money to cover your bills on a monthly bases and thereby you will know how much you have left to spend.
• Try to save any windfall or bonuses for the future
• Always check your bank statements for anything amiss or to spot increasing fees.

Written by Tope Omojokun, Asset Manager

An increasing number of people are abusing the use of mobile devices and are using the devices inappropriately, incorrectly and sometimes dangerously. How many times have you seen someone who is using their device walking, climbing the stairs or driving. I feel like the people I  see always glued to these devices are getting younger and younger. Our children are using these devices from an earlier age, it is therefore important that parents train and advise them on the appropriate ways to use these devices.

So I am coming up with a Mobile Phone Etiquette List – please add other tips you share

1. Do not use while walking – Mobile phones and smart devices should not be used while you are walking.  Walking and using a mobile device means you are not aware of dangers around you, potholes on the floor, a stationary object infront of you, an oncoming vehicle or other dangers.
2. Do not use while driving – Mobile phones should not be used while you are driving, there is no way you can be as alert when you are driving and sending a text or picking a call at the same time. Note to parents, children learn from the examples they see from you! So miss that call you can always call back and say you were driving, it shows your children that safety comes first. 
3. Use a headset - Do not spend long periods of time on the phone holding it up to your ear. If you are making a phone call use a handheld device or use the speakerphone feature. It is also a good idea to get a landline if you are someone who spends a long time on phone calls. Note to parents, the cellphone companies specify that phones should not be held up to your ear.
4. Reduce disturbance – Mobile phones should be put on silent or vibrate when you are in public gatherings like church, when you are in class or in the middle of a meeting. It is distracting and not socially acceptable to let your phone disturb a meeting,
5. Get your rest – Mobile phones should be turned off at night or put on silent when you are going to bed. You should not wake up in the middle of the night and pick up your device to check the latest tweet. Social media can wait for you to wake up in the morning.
6. Secure your data – Your mobile phone should not be used to store too many personal information like your address or bank details. Remember that it can be stolen and if you have not password protected your information you risk it falling into the wrong hands. Children might not understand the danger of sensitive information landing in the wrong hands yet.
7. Respect your company – If you are having dinner or a meeting with someone, pay attention to your guest you should not spend time with your mobile phone when you have a person beside you who wants to spend time with you. It is rude and gives the impression you are not interested in the person with you. Note to parents, at the dinner table do you spend all your time on your device ignoring your family, this does not sow the right seeds for your children.
8. Protect your eyes – Do not spend long stretches of time on mobile devices, this causes strain on your eyes and can cause long term eye issues. It is better to limit the amount of time you spend on these devices and use a full sized screen as much as possible.
9. Save your data – Remember to back up your devices regularly so you don’t loose your information if your device should crash or get lost.
10. Privacy - Do not use your mobile devices to take inappropriate pictures especially without the knowledge of the person whose picture you are taking. Also it is very wrong to take a picture or record something that was meant to be private and then post it up for public consumption on Facebook or youtube.

Used correctly the smart and mobile devices are meant to enhance your day to day life and help you be more effective and productive. Used excessively instead it does the opposite and hinders your social skills while making you less productive. We have to take the time to think about the way we use these devices.

When your child asks you what Halloween is you should think about how you answer. First of all by the time he or she is asking they are old enough to know that there is something called Halloween and is also probably inquisitive enough to want to get an answer that suits him or her.

Also be mindful that the answer that you give can be the beginning of how your child who asked innocently will view Halloween and your answer will help to determine whether or not your child will be a participant in the “celebration” of Halloween or not. I think asking what Halloween is should be seen as the same level of importance as if your child should ask mummy what is witchcraft?

Halloween is a time that is celebrated by children and adults wearing costumes of witches, wizards, zombies, skeletons and carving out pumpkins into scary faces. This should be the first inkling that something is not right with the idea of Halloween. Lets not miss the fact that it has been nicely packaged and commercialised to become just a time to wear various costumes and go trick or treating. The root of the celebration has not changed they have just found a cuter way to make this fetish celebration more acceptable. The idea of trick or treat is a time to play tricks on people.

The police force in some countries that celebrate Halloween report seeing  spikes in activities that are out of the ordinary and criminal.  Do a google search on Halloween cakes and you will notice an alarming number of cakes shaped as haunted houses, ghosts and various other spooky cake forms. You really have to wonder why you are celebrating this holiday or at the least understand what you are celebrating if you choose to celebrate it.

Halloween is not like the Easter Bunny or like Santa Claus, these are holidays that though commercialised have traditions or roots where the underlying celebration is harmless and holy. The Easter Bunny with Easter does no harm, Santa Clause is just a big man in a red costume who goes about bearing gifts. Superheroes are generally people with supernatural power who go about saving people and fighting for the oppressed. Halloween on the other hand is simply a celebration of spookiness!

So to answer the child who asks what Halloween is? Halloween is a time that people dress up like ghosts and wizards and this is not a good thing to do any which way you look at it. These things are scary and are not nice to celebrate. I would encourage the child to wait till Christmas which is round the corner to celebrate the birthday of Jesus Christ who was born to save the world. Halloween is about bad things and events and is not something to celebrate.

While it might not be easy to let a young child understand this, done with firmness, love and consistency your child will eventually accept this. Lastly if you happen to be somewhere where Halloween is popular it might be worth finding ways to occupy your child with alternative activities in order to reduce their desire to celebrate Halloween.

So what do you think? Do you celebrate Halloween or not?

By Nimi Akinkugbe

Naturally it is the desire of every parent or guardian to give their children the best possible start in life. One of the best ways to build a foundation for a secure future is through a sound education. Education opens doors to many opportunities, and is a necessity in today’s global economy. For the vast majority of people, funding your children’s education ranks as one of the largest expenses you will ever face and it must thus be carefully planned for.

Start saving now

If your children are still babies or toddlers, thinking about their future education may seem like a lifetime away. However, with the rising costs of education, the earlier you start making financial provision for this most important goal, the better. Certainly, the most difficult time to start an education savings plan is when your child is still young as for new parents who are just starting to build assets and facing the financial demands of a young family, this can be a challenge; yet this is the time that you should start saving in earnest.

Unless you are very well off financially, it may be difficult to suddenly have to come up with the money to pay for your child’s secondary or tertiary education when it is time for them to go. Prepare for these costs now rather than later; even if you can’t put aside a large sum each month from the onset, start with a small amount, and increase it whenever you can. With a head start, your funds will have time to appreciate and weather the inevitable ups and downs of the financial markets.

It is true that most advice on education funding focuses on building a savings plan early. This would be ideal, but even if your children are older and you haven’t been saving towards their education, it’s never too late to take steps to ease this burden and improve their prospects.

How much can you afford to set aside on a regular basis?

The amount of money you can set aside is a function of how much you can afford. Consider the assets you hold, your debt situation and what you can realistically save given all your other commitments. Your neighbour may be able to deposit N50,000 a month into Junior’s education fund; this may not be possible for you. Don’t be tempted to try copy others. Look at your family’s unique financial circumstances and determine what makes sense for you, what you can afford and can stay committed to, for the long term.

Automate your savings via a direct debit from your current account to an appropriate savings vehicle. This “forced” saving method will help you keep your plans on track. The key is to keep making steady, regular progress until your child completes his or her studies.

How much does it cost now?

In planning for your child’s education you must estimate what the total cost is likely to be. It is better to over-estimate than to risk having a shortfall which could affect your plans later on. Major expenses include tuition fees, accommodation, textbooks, computers, sporting equipment, uniforms, transportation, extra-curricular activities, private tutors and personal expenses, Even though the numbers will not be firm, having some estimates will help you to keep your goal in view.

Begin to determine the type of school that you are aiming for. Tuition rates vary enormously between state and private schools and there is a wide range within each category, so do some research regarding prices.

How much will it cost in the future?

By some estimates, annual increases in education costs range between 10% and 15% each year. Bear in mind that actual percentage increase in any year could be significantly higher or lower, and the rate could vary from public to private college. In any case, this means that a child born today will face a tuition bill several times more than what the average student pays today.

Factor in how much prices have risen year on year historically to help you make financial projections. On the internet there are numerous savings calculators that can help you visualize various scenarios – assuming a monthly or quarterly deposit of “X” naira, over a period of “Y” years, and applying an interest rate of “Z” %, you will be able to determine the total yield at the future date. You will also need to factor in exchange rate changes if it is your intention for your children to be educated abroad.

Play with the numbers a little to see what happens when you earn a higher interest rate on your deposit, if you miss a month’s payment, or are able to make an extra payment. A financial calculator will help you to determine how much to put into the education fund each month in order to meet a particular goal. For most families there is more than one child to consider so multiply the cost estimates accordingly and see the effect this will have on the overall plan.

As you prepare financially for your children’s education remember that while you want your child to succeed in life, you don’t want to drain all your savings and jeopardise your own financial plans such as planning for your retirement. Try to find a happy medium between finding a school that is affordable, and also offers a sound education.

In Part II we will discuss some of the various options for funding your child’s education.

A recent “life after kids” study busts the myth that parents who are highly focused on their children are sacrificing their own well-being. Instead, a team of psychologists have found that putting your child first can actually make you happier.

Study leader Dr. Claire Ashton–James, from VU University in Amsterdam, states that there’s actually very little research to support the assumption that those investing time in their children are doing so at a personal cost.

Instead, she found that taking the time to invest in others, whether it be financial or emotional resources, leads to greater happiness than investing in yourself. “In short, when it comes to parental well-being, you reap what you sow,” she said.

Dr. Ashton-James collaborated with psychologist colleagues at the University of British Columbia to conduct two studies. Both studies involved 322 parents who had at least one child 18 years or younger.

The first study was meant to gauge their parenting style on a child-centric scale. This was done by getting parents to reveal the degree to which they agreed with statements such as, “The happiness of my children is more important to me than my own happiness.” From this study, researchers found that parents who were more child-centric were significantly more likely to experience happiness and a greater sense of purpose from having children.

The second study then asked parents to retell what they had done the previous day and to share how they felt during each activity. The results of this found that highly-involved parents had greater positive feelings and felt their lives had more meaning during childcare. They also found that the well-being of these parents was not affected negatively throughout their day while not caring for their children.

Published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, the report concluded: “We found a significant positive relationship between child-centrism and the subjective happiness and meaning of life that participants reported deriving from parenting.”

Dr. Ashton-James comments, “From this perspective, the more invested parents are in their children’s well-being – that is, the more ‘child-centric’ parents are –- the more happiness and meaning they will derive from parenting.”

Source: parentdish

Skip the sugary donut, Danish, or breakfast cereals. Even a small amount of sugar can depress your immune system between 4 and 6 hours. So regardless of which breakfast you choose, keep it low in sugars of all kinds—refined or so-called “healthy” sweeteners since they all have the same immune-lowering effect.

Enjoy a Spanish omelette or Spanish Tofu Scramble containing onions, garlic, tomatoes, and red peppers.  This simple meal is loaded with vitamin C (tomatoes and red pepper), the antiviral phytonutrient allicin (garlic and onions).  A touch of turmeric gives tofu a brilliant yellow color and adds an anti-inflammatory punch to any viruses you may have been in contact with.

Start with a glass of water with lemon, lime, or grapefruit juice, all of which are high in immune-boosting vitamin C and the antiviral phytonutrients called terpene limonoids, that help give cold a flu viruses the boot.

Go Granola. Make a simple immune-boosting granola from gluten-free oats, sunflower seeds, cinnamon, chopped almonds, a touch of honey or pure maple syrup (just a bit), and a little coconut oil or olive oil.  Mix together and bake at 300 until lightly browned (about 10-20 minutes). Store. Top with immune-boosting, Omega-3-rich flax seeds and pumpkin seeds and almond milk. These essential fats are needed for a properly-functioning immune system. Pumpkin seeds add a hefty dose of zinc, which is also critical for immune health.

Savor a Sweet Potato with onions, garlic, red peppers, and beta-carotene and vitamin B6-containing kale. Sweet potatoes contain vitamin B6, which is an important immune-system strengthener, along with beta carotene, the precursor of immune-building vitamin A, and even a vegetarian source of vitamin D, which reduces the risk of catching a cold or flu and speeds recovery.

Go for a Side of Grapefruit since this fruit is packed with vitamin C and and anti-flu phytonutrients known as terpene limonoids.  These compounds are naturally anti-viral, giving the immune system the help it needs to fight off infection.

Brown Rice with Almond Milk and Cinnamon.  Brown rice is a good source of vitamin B6 which protects the lungs against invaders.  Brown rice also contains the potent antioxidants vitamin E and zinc—the latter of which reduces the duration of colds by about 36 hours, according to recent research published in Reuters.  Zinc was particularly effective against the rhinovirus (linked to colds).

Green Tea—There are dozens of reasons to drink green tea, but during the colder seasons there are even more.  According to research in the Journal of Applied Oral Science, green tea kills some forms of strep infections.  Finish off your immune-boosting breakfast with a hot cup of green tea sweetened with the herb stevia (to avoid immune crashes linked to sugar).

Read more: care2.com